


The Division Bell

by progdor



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Reunions, Romance, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18287180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/progdor/pseuds/progdor
Summary: It has been four years since Third Impact, now back in Germany Asuka Langley Soryu prepares to celebrate the birthday of the boy she nearly allowed into her heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**June 6 th - 2020**

Asuka Langley Soryu stared out of her bedroom window onto the vast gardens of the Langley estate before her. She watched as one of the gardeners employed by the family was making their way from a pond situated towards the middle of the garden towards a bed of delicately placed and brightly coloured flowers.

Much closer to the property, extending out from what would be the kitchens was a paved area. Upon which an arrangement of seating and equipment for outdoor cooking was placed. Further off in the distance a line of solid tall trees could be seen which marked the edges of the estate.

The estate itself was located in the Grunewald district on the western side of the city of Berlin. It was a district containing a vast number of mansions much like the one she lived in. It was one of the parts of Berlin that many thought reserved for the elite that Germany had to offer. Once upon a time Asuka would have thought herself deserving of being in a place like this but no longer.

As she looked up at the clear blue sky, signifying that it'd be yet another hot day she sighed. Finally turning away from the window she took a glance at herself in the mirror. Her red hair cascading down to just below her shoulders. In a past life it was her red hair that made her stand out the most amongst others. Now that had been reserved for the patch covering her eye or the metallic components that made up her arm.

Over the years people had asked her about the arm and the eye but as were the instructions given to her on her arrival she couldn't speak about it. Not that she ever wanted to, the memories of what had happened over the course of those months still too painful even all these years later.

She grimaced as she looked down at the arm and reflexively clenched her hand into a fist before throwing on a plain red jacket to ensure the damn thing was covered up.

She went to leave the room but just before she glanced at the calendar hanging on her wall a final time. It was June 6th, a date on which the significance was not nor would it ever be lost on her. As had been the case for the past four years she had done her best to not think about it as it had approached. Yet every year she had failed and this year seemed especially tough. Once more all she could do was be ensnared by the grasp of those feelings.

One of the worst things about it was that she was completely alone with those feelings. She was unable to talk to anyone else about it not that she even knew if she could. It wasn't like she knew anyone from that time anymore. She didn't even know if any of them had returned and even if they had contact with that place was completely forbidden now. That part of her life was now completely over, as she had been told numerous times.

Yet those people there would be the only ones who could ever understand. Misato Katsuragi, Hikari Horaki, hell even Touji Suzahara or Kensuke Aida would be better to talk to than the people here. They all lived through it, they all saw it. The people here didn't know a damn thing, they didn't see what had happened to them all. They never lived through it.

Her friends here, if she could even bring herself to call them that wouldn't and couldn't understand. Her stepmother might understand but Asuka wouldn't ever want to talk about something like this with her. As for her father, he had made his view clear four years ago when he had told her.

_'You should never have been chosen to pilot that Evangelion. That part of your life is over, you're home now.'_

So as it was she had no one but the ghosts of the past to converse with. There had been offers of a therapist for her but that was not something Asuka wanted. What she wanted was something she couldn't have.

She placed her finger on the calendar and slowly traced her way to the date before whispering softly, "Happy Birthday Shinji."

XXX

Asuka made her way downstairs into the spacious dining room. Her stepmother was already seated at the table reading through what Asuka could only assume was reports from the hospital. As Asuka entered her stepmother turned and greeted her with a smile. In response Asuka put on her best false smile, something she had grown accustomed to, having had to wear one for more of her life.

"Good morning Asuka." The woman said with a smile.

"Good morning mother."

Asuka didn't approach the woman sat at the table nor did she show her any affection beyond the greeting. Instead she chose to sit herself down on the opposite end of the dining table and pour herself a cup of coffee.

Moments later the door to the kitchen opened and a maid brought through a plate containing her breakfast. A mixture of scrambled eggs and breakfast sausages. Asuka thanked the maid who scurried off without a word and then grabbed one of the small bread rolls from the basket in the centre of the table. She spread a small amount of butter on it before taking a bite from it silently.

Her mind wandered to the breakfasts Shinji used to prepare back in Tokyo-3. It was a stark contrast to the type of meal she would have here. Miso soup and fish for breakfast. It was something Asuka had taken time to get used to when she moved over there but thanks to Shinji's skills in the kitchen it hadn't taken long. She only wished now that she had said thank you at least once for his efforts before it was too late.

A sigh from her stepmother broke Asuka out of the memory. She glanced up at the woman placed the report she was reading down onto the table.

“Is everything alright?” Asuka enquired out of politeness.

“It’s fine, just a shame that it looks like it’s going to be another nice day today and I’m going to end up being stuck in meetings with hospital administrators all day.” She replied, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Asuka simply nodded in an attempt to minimize conversation with the woman as much as possible. It wasn't that Asuka hated the woman in fact it was much the opposite. Asuka did in fact care a great deal about her. Her stepmother had actually tried to reach out to her and attempt to understand what she was going through.

Her stepmother had been responsible for ensuring Asuka had the arm she had right now. Since returning to Germany her relationship with the woman had improved. It was just that today of all days Asuka didn't feel like speaking to anyone.

Asuka did however look around the dining room and observed that one person was missing from the scene.

"Where is father?" She asked.

The woman smiled, "Oh he left earlier. Locked in meetings at the embassies all day again. They're trying to send him out to Japan, some big reconstruction project happening out there. Between his meetings and mine at the hospital today I dare say we'll be around that much this weekend or throughout the week. I trust that isn't a problem?"

Asuka shook her head, it was far from a problem. In fact it would be perfect. She did however raise an eyebrow at the mention of her father being sent to Japan, "So they're sending him to Japan?"

A nod from the woman as she sipped at a glass of orange juice, "Well we aren't sure yet. He doesn't want to go. Says that everything they want to do can be done without his presence but they're pushing for him to go out there."

"I see."

Asuka lowered her eyes back to her plate and resumed eating her breakfast. Her father would be going to Japan to oversee a reconstruction project there. Asuka could only guess at what it would be. She had tried in vain to keep track of what was happening in the country ever since she had returned to Germany but intricate details were scarce.

From what she had gathered the last few years had become something of a delicate political climate in the country. NERV had been disbanded worldwide with a number of its key officials being brought before a number of courts for crimes against humanity. Details of the Evangelion projects, Third Impact and the Angel's had been kept under wraps as much as possible but she knew that a number of countries had a stake in the rebuilding of Japan if only to get at some of the technology that NERV had utilized.

Her father had been a central part in overseeing the redevelopment of the country. Asuka had done her best to keep a close eye on his activities, perhaps looking for any sign or trace that one of them might be alive and contactable. Yet in the four years that had passed nothing had come of it. It seemed that much like Shinji, they too were gone.

Asuka finished the remains of her breakfast and sat sipping at her coffee in silence. It was not long before the woman spoke again.

"How is the arm?"

Asuka raised her hand and smiled clenching the hand into a fist, "It's good, felt a little bit weird at first but I'm getting used to it."

"Good to hear, if you need anything else don't hesitate to give me a call. It's still quite experimental so there might be a few things to work out but we can get it sorted as soon as possible. "

Asuka nodded, "It should be fine."

She finished what was left of her coffee before rising from her seat, "I think I'm going to go out into town today. There is a new Japanese restaurant open that I fancy trying out."

"Meeting friends?"

Asuka shook her head, "No, on my own."

"Do you need me to call one of the drivers to drive you in?"

Again Asuka shook her head, "No, I'll get the train in."

"Fair enough. I should probably get going myself, these meetings won't hold themselves."

Asuka started to move out of the dining room, she reached the door before hearing the woman call after her.

"Asuka... it's... it's his birthday today isn't it? The Third Child, Shinji Ikari."

Asuka stopped and lowered her head, her eye fixed on the ground. Slowly she turned to meet the gaze of her stepmother. This was the first time her stepmother had ever mentioned Shinji Ikari to her. Until now Asuka hadn't even been sure that the woman remembered Shinji was.

"Yes. Yes it is. How did you know?" Asuka asked.

"When you returned to Germany many years ago I made a note to learn as much as I can about the people there, it was sparse such was the nature of that business but I tried to memorize a few key dates. I know you don't want to but I'm always here if you want to talk about it..."

Asuka shook her head, "I know you are but... you know I don't want to."

There was a smile on her lips, "I knew you'd say that. Offer still stands. Go on out and try to enjoy yourself today, I'm sure it's what he would have wanted."

Asuka laughed, "God knows what he would have wanted but I'll try."

"I love you Asuka."

Asuka smiled, "I love you too mother."

With those words she turned to leave the room and the mansion making a stop in her room one last time to pick up a small SDAT from a drawer. She clipped it onto her jeans and put in the two earphones before setting it to track 26. Instantly the sound of classical music filled her ears and she smiled softly once again placing her finger on the date on the calendar.

"Well then Shinji, shall we go then?"

XXX

Asuka entered the crowded restaurant, paused the SDAT and took her earphones out. She had heard about this place, it had only recently opened so at the moment was crowded with a mixture of intrigued locals, tourists and fans of Japanese culture and cuisine.

The place had been decorated much as these places would be in order to add to the authenticity. The interior here was supposed to make it look like some sort of ‘traditional’ Japanese temple. The seating and benches were all a solid wood with square lights overhead.

She made her way towards the back of the queue and studied the list of ingredients. Each one was written in German but next to the ingredient was the appropriate translation into Japanese.

The place was far too crowded for her liking, given the choice she would probably have chosen to have a quick toasted sandwich and sat outside of one of the quieter cafes in the town but this seemed like a more appropriate place to come for lunch.

For most in here a bowl of ramen would just be indulging in a taste of another culture. A curious little oddity to say they’ve tried and enjoyed. For her it had more significance, it was a reminder of one of her happiest memories. The time when they all trekked out to a ramen cart late at night after Misato promising them a dinner for beating that Angel. It was a reminder that they could all have been happy if things, or at least if they hadn’t have been so messed up.

She nodded to herself as she decided on what flavor she would have and continued to wait in the queue until eventually getting to the cashier.

“Shark fin ramen please.”

Moments later she had her bowl and had seated herself in an empty booth near the back of the restaurant. She picked up the chopsticks near to her and began to make her way through the meal. As she did she held onto her memory of that day.

**January 2 nd 2016 – One day after Third Impact**

When she awoke the first thing she noticed was the faint rumble of a vehicle. Groggily she looked around to see she was lying on the backseat of a seven seater SUV. There was a thin blanket draped over her keeping her warm and a small pillow for her head.

Asuka wondered what had happened. It was obvious that she was no longer on the beach and judging by what she could see he was also no longer near to her.

Everything in her head was a bizarre jumble of events and she struggled to put anything together. She could pain running through her body. She was hungry and thirsty and incredibly unsure of anything. She tried to put together what had happened since she had returned.

She had woken up on the beach. It wasn't so much like waking up it was more like being transported. She couldn't remember what had happened but she remembered by somewhere. A place where she was happy but a place where a feeling of emptiness followed her everywhere. It was like a very powerful dream that she knew had an impact on her but had been forgotten so quickly.

When she opened her eye on the beach she recalled seeing him next to her. Next thing she knew he had been on top of her with his hands around her throat. She hadn't resisted it. A part of her felt it was the least she deserved for what she had done to him in her life, another part of her wanted him to do it and end her misery once and for all but mostly she was just too weak to force him to stop.

She didn’t want to die though, if she had let him do that to her then what would be the point of her coming back? Why else would she have returned but to live? So she made that choice to stop him. She used what little strength she had to raise her bandaged arm up and softly caress his cheek. This simple gesture of affection had gotten him to stop and almost immediately afterwards he came to his sense and realized what he was doing. He did the only thing he could have done at the time and broke down in tears.

Asuka remembered her feelings of disgust as his warm tears fell onto her face and trickled down her. Disgust not only at him and at the state of the world but also at herself whose tears had mixed with his to fall down onto the soft sand below. She didn’t try to stop though though, instead pulling him towards her in an embrace and falling asleep holding one another.

Now however she was no longer on that beach and as far as she could see Shinji was no longer with her. Her heart started to pound as scenarios started to flash through her mind as to what might have happened or what was going to happen. She kept herself perfectly still and tried to look around the vehicle.

Her vision had been impaired by the bandage over her eye but she was still able to see quite a bit from her position.

Occupying the vehicle were three people. Two men in the front seats and a woman sat in the seat directly in front of her. Each of them was wearing some sort of plain military uniform and Asuka panicked for a moment remembering the assault by the JSSDF on NERV moments before she had woken up.

She quickly calmed herself realizing that these weren’t JSSDF troops. That did leave her to wonder just who they could be. The woman suddenly turned around causing Asuka to close her eye but it was too late. She had already been spotted and Asuka heard the woman speaking to the others, surprisingly in German.

“It looks like she’s woken up. Let’s pull the car over, it’ll make this slightly easier.”

“We’re not far out from the airfield ma’am, can we not just…“ Replied what Asuka assumed was the driver of the vehicle. The woman immediately cut him off.

“We’re not on any sort of schedule nor is there anyone else around. Please, I’d rather do this in a stationary vehicle than a moving one.” She replied, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Asuka felt the car slow down and then eventually come to a stop. She opened her eye again to look around and found herself looking at the woman. Asuka said nothing but shrank back and evaluated her options. Her stomach churning with worry as to what would happen next. The Japanese government and JSSDF had tried to kill her. She was alive so clearly that wasn’t what these people wanted but then what did they want?

She looked around wondering if she could scramble for the door handle. She could open it and run but she quickly realized there were several problems with that. In her current state she probably wouldn’t get very far. Nor did she know where she was or where anyone was. She could get away and just end up roaming a wasteland until she died. The chances were though, that even if she did run they would probably catch her very quickly.

 

 

Finally the woman spoke to Asuka, her tone sympathetic, “Miss Soryu, can you hear me?”

Asuka slowly sat up not keeping her eyes off of the woman and nodded her head.

“Good, my name is Doctor Karolin Hoffman, I’m a doctor working with the UN. We’ve been sent here by your father to extract you and escort you home.”

“M-My father?”

Karolin nodded, “Yes, your father. Please understand Asuka, we are not here to hurt you but I do need to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?”

Asuka nodded again.

“Okay good, first of all can you please tell me your full name and your birthday?”

Asuka obediently gave the details to the doctor, “Asuka Langley Soryu. December fourth.”

“Okay that’s good. Can you tell me if you’re in any pain right now?”

Asuka nodded raising her bandaged arm, “Arm… hurts and my eye.”

“Any dizziness or nausea?”

Asuka nodded again, “Both.”

The doctor took out a notepad and began to take some notes as Asuka watched on. These people had been sent by her father. He must have known, the world must have known something had happened in Tokyo-3. As soon as he heard he must have sent them to save her. They must have found her on the beach and loaded her into the vehicle while she slept.

She looked outside for any other vehicles but could see no other vehicle nearby. Had they found and rescued Shinji as well?

She looked back up at the woman and asked her, her voice incredibly weak, “T-The other person with me… the boy… where is he?”

Asuka waited for the reply, to hear that Shinji had been loaded into another vehicle or something. She realized that she had to see him again and she had to see him right now. As soon as she saw the doctor’s eyes lowered themselves towards the ground she realized however that that might not be a possibility.

“W-What’s wrong?”

Karolin looked towards the two seated in the front of the vehicle and then back to Asuka, “Asuka… I’m really sorry but… there was nothing we could do…”

Asuka was sure the woman was continuing to speak but any attempt at processing the words was failing. Another wave of nausea washed over her as she placed a hand on the car door readying herself to dash outside to be sick.

_‘He… he’s gone… no. He can’t be, not after… he came back. He came back damn it! How can he just be gone like that? How can that idiot do this? How can he leave me again? How can he abandon me again?’_

Before she knew it Asuka had forced open the car door and had leapt out just in time to empty the contents of her stomach on the side of the road. Pain was shooting through her body due to the violent reaction to the news and she slumped backwards against the vehicle.

Karolin exited the car herself and knelt down near to her. Asuka felt a bottle of water being passed into her hand and she drank it down without any complaint. She sat frozen in place unable to move or process anything.

She felt a comforting arm wrap itself around her and guide Asuka back into the back seat of the vehicle. Once inside she pulled the thin blanket up around her as the car once again started to move towards its destination.

Karolin reached into a bag and grabbed something out of it handing it to Asuka.

“We found this when we got you.”

Asuka reached forward and took the small black device from her. Asuka turned it over in her hands, this wasn’t hers. It was Shinjis SDAT.

The car started to pull away and Asuka held the device closer towards her, she felt her chest start to tighten and she did the only thing she was capable of doing anymore.

Even if there were people around she didn't care anymore. Asuka had seen too much, experienced too much and right now she just wanted to go home. She let the grief and sorrow of it all overtake her. She brought her legs up to her chest, covered herself with the blanket and sat sobbing into it.


	2. Tyre Tracks & Broken Hearts

**6 th June 2020**

His eyes flickered open and he found himself looking around the sparse hotel room. His back was covered with sweat and his heart was pounding. Side effects from the nightmare he had just had. He had been there again, sat huddled up staring straight into the eyes of the giant beast.

Only this time it was not like it had been in reality. He had screamed at it to move, pleaded with it as he heard the explosions and screams all around him. Yet just as it was in every nightmare like this and just as it was back then nothing had happened. He was useless and powerless to help. All he could do was listen and scream until it would move of its own volition.

Only when it moved of its own volition could he then climb inside of the entry plug. He would feel the LCL fill up the plug as it sank into its position and provide the connection between him and the soul residing inside the Eva. It was when start to rise upwards, a set of light based wings protruding from the back carrying him out of NERV. Finally he would see her, or at least the remnants of her.

This was just one of a variation of nightmares that had followed him ever since the Third Impact. Sometimes it could be that one giving him a blunt reminder of how he had failed to help her on that day.

On occasion it could be him alone with her in the hospital room all over again. Only in this nightmare she'd wake up and she'd taunt him. She'd fix her gaze upon him and demand he continued to do it. This one was a reminder of how he had degraded and used her body on that day.

There was a dream about Kaworu and the circumstances that had led to Kaworu's death. He would try desperately to prevent it, begging with Kaworu throughout and telling him he didn't have to do it. Only Kaworu told him each and every time that he had to die, just as he had told him back then. Kaworu had to die, the last of the Angel's had to die so that humanity could go on living.

There were even dreams about the others, about Touji, Misato or even his father. He had not had a good nights sleep in over four years. Every night when he closed his eyes he knew he'd likely wake up trembling and covered in sweat, reminded of his past failures.

He had hoped that the jet-leg and exhaustion from the flight might have let to him not having any dreams but it was unfortunately not to be.

_'I'm really fucked up.'_

Slowly he sat up and checked the time on the small alarm clock on his bedside table. He noted that it had just turned seven here which meant that back in Japan it would now be two in the afternoon. He reached across for his mobile phone and apprehensively switched the device on.

It had been switched off since he had begin his journey to Germany. Just before leaving the apartment he had made the decision to switch it off. Since he had arrived in Germany and all the way to and falling asleep in his hotel room had had made sure to keep it switched off. He dared not think about what might be waiting for him on the device as of now.

She would likely have been the first to notice that he had gone. How could she not have noticed? After all she was the one who saw him first in the mornings. She would probably have thought something was off when she emerged from her room to not see him stood there making breakfast. She would probably have checked on him in his room and started to panic when finding out he wasn't there.

The others probably wouldn't have noticed his absence yet. It was normal for him to not have contact with them for a day or two. They didn't necessarily understand his need to keep distant but they at least respected it.

They would most likely not know that he had gone missing though. It was unlikely for her to have told them unless she knew the situation was serious. If he knew how things operated there like he thought he did then she would probably know where he was by now and the severity of it.

He had to admit that he felt incredibly bad for doing what he had done in this manner. In fact he felt awful because in truth it wasn’t that they wouldn’t understand why he was doing it but the fact that they’d understand was a reason why he couldn’t tell them. He loved each and every one of them but if they knew he had been planning to come to Germany then they would have all tried to interfere and interject with their own ideas and opinions. They would have gave him warnings and advice and they would just end up worrying about him. He didn’t want that sort of hassle.

Finally the phone sprang to life and after a bit of time the messages finally started to trickle through to him. First up were messages from Kensuke and Touji, each one wishing him a happy birthday. This was followed by a message from Hikari and afterwards messages from Aoba, Maya and Hyuga all wishing him a happy birthday.

He felt his heartrate increase in his chest as finally his finger hovered over the messages from Misato. He felt himself smile nervously to reveal the first message which consisted of just three words.

_‘Where are you?’_

He scrolled through the list of messages and sighed as he got to the last one. It was just as he had expected they were tracking him. He read through the message.

_‘GERMANY!? You’re in Germany? What the hell are you doing in Germany? Is it her? It is isn’t it? Shinji why didn’t you tell us you were thinking of doing this? We could have helped you! Look just be careful there alright, and get in touch as soon as possible. I love you x – Misato’_

He closed the inbox and finally climbed out of the bed. He would contact Misato just as soon as he was done getting ready. He would explain to her why he had to do this alone and why she couldn’t help him. With that thought he stood up fully and stared at himself in the mirror.

He would need to shave first. What was on his face would be barely noticeable to anyone but him but there were trace amounts of stubble beginning to form. It had to go, any facial hair had to go immediately. It was just a reminder of his father and Shinji went to great lengths to ensure he did not have to be reminded of that man.

He made his way over to his suitcase and pulled out one of the freshly packed shirts. Just as he started to put it on he heard his phone vibrate. Curiously he picked it up but then smiled as he read the text.

_‘Happy Birthday Herr Ikari. I hope you had a pleasant journey. I will be in touch later with the destination for you. Please enjoy your stay in Berlin. :)’_

XXX

It had just gone eight by the time Shinji had finished doing everything he needed to do. He had been in the shower, unpacked the few clothes he had brought with him for this journey. He had shaved and managed to cut himself and ordered a small breakfast from the hotels room service.

Now was one of the tasks he was not looking forward to performing. He would be unable to put it off any longer though, she had to be contacted. He tentatively picked up his phone from the side table, no more messages had come through. He scrolled down to Misato’s number and waited for the woman on the other end to pick up.

She must have been right next to her phone because she picked up almost immediately.

_“SHINJI!”_

Shinji held the phone away from him for a moment, almost being deafened by Misato’s yelling.

“H-Hey Misato…” He responded, his tone matching that of a child who knows they have done something wrong.

There was a very brief pause on the line as he wondered just what his guardian might have to say next. It was hard to tell with Misato just how she would react.

_“Don’t you dare ‘Hey Misato’ me! Do you have any idea just how worried I’ve been about you?”_

“I know…”

_“No you don’t Shinji! I almost had Section 2 search the entire city for you! You can’t just up and leave without giving any of us any warning Shinji! I thought you had been kidnapped or killed! I know… look… we both know that there are people out there who know who you are and might try something…”_

Shinji simply hung his head apologetically. He had in fact not considered that when he had made these plans.

“I’m- I’m sorry Misato. I did want to tell you what I was planning but I had… I had certain reasons to not tell you…”

 _“Oh like what?”_  She snapped back at him, to Shinji it sounds like she didn’t quite believe what he had said.

Shinji sighed, he had rehearsed this dialogue in his head a number of times but reality was proving more difficult, “I thought you or the others might have tried to put me off of doing it. I thought it I didn’t tell anyone then it’d be easier for me to get on that plane and not doubt myself or run away.”

_“You idiot! You know fine well we wouldn’t have tried to put you off! Shinji if this is something you wanted to do and something you felt you had to do then you know you would have had full support from me and anyone else. We all want you to be happy Shinji, god knows you of all people deserve it.”_

He kept his head down, “I… I’m sorry. I haven’t caused you any trouble have I?”

 _“Oh none at all!”_  She replied sarcastically,  _“You know except for the huge amount of worrying I’ve been doing since yesterday. Luckily the report from Section 2 came through pretty quickly that you had been to the airport and were boarding a flight to Germany. So I didn’t end up having to mobilize them and send them out looking for you!”_

“S-Sorry…”

Finally there was a sigh of relief from her end,  _“Yeah well, you’re going to have to do a lot better than sorry when you get back. I expect a good present from there.”_

He laughed, “I’ll get you something… I promise.”

_“Whatever, I know you will. Look just be careful Shinji. I know why you’re there and… even though it’s been four years since I last saw her too I don’t want either of you to be hurt.”_

“Yeah I know Misato. She might not even want to see me, like you said it’s been four years. She might hate me and even if she did I wouldn’t blame her but… I have to see her again. I have to try.”

There was a lengthy pause from the other end of the phone,  _“It isn’t going to be easy Shinji. Asuka went through a hell of a lot while she was with us. We… well I failed her when she was here. I knew all about her past and what sort of person she was and I completely failed her. She tried to reach out to me and I just blanked her on it. I gave up on her when I shouldn’t have done and well things just went downhill rapidly.”_

“No. It wasn’t your fault Misato. We were all… and besides I…”

Misato quickly interrupted him,  _“No stop it Shinji. You were a much younger person, you didn’t know what was happening and you didn’t understand it. It was us adults that failed you two. Whatever mistakes you’ve made you’ve already paid for several times over by now haven’t you?”_

Even though Misato couldn’t see him Shinji nodded, “Yeah… I guess…”

_“That isn’t what’s important though. Dwelling in the past like this isn’t going to get us anywhere. I want to help you in whatever way I can Shinji. I know there isn’t much I can do but I will try.”_

Shinji smiled, “Thank you Misato.”

“But look Shinji, how do you expect to find her? Berlin is a big city and how do you even know she is there? I mean her father completely severed ties with us four years ago.”

Shinji felt his smile grow wider, this was one of the other reasons he couldn’t be completely honest about his plans.

“Don’t worry about that, I’ve been having a little bit of help from someone here.”

 _“Oh really! Who?”_  Misato asked, he tone inquisitive.

“I can’t say unfortunately but they contacted me a short while ago. They told me Asuka was in Berlin and wanted to help me in setting this up as a surprise.”

 _“And you trusted them? Shinji that could have been anyone?”_  Misato exclaimed.

“It isn’t like that. They provided me with proof, a lot of proof that it wasn’t anything dangerous. I was reluctant at first. Me just turning up in Berlin and seeing her like this, it felt… creepy and weird but because of who it was… I couldn’t not do it.”

There was a sigh from the other end,  _“More secrets. Shinji… are you sure that’s a good idea?”_

“Yes! I’m absolutely certain Misato. I know what it sounds like and I know just what keeping secrets has done to us all in the past but it was really important that I kept this secret. You’ll understand when you learn about it all okay.”

_“Fine, I understand Shinji. I trust you on this.”_

“You do? You’re not mad that I didn’t ask for your help or tell you?”

She paused for a moment,  _“In all honesty I’m mad that you did this without telling me and that you disappeared in the way you did but I do understand it. You have to find your own answers Shinji. It’s like I told you once before, go forward and find things out for yourself. Just know that if you do need anything, we’re here for you.”_

“Thank you Misato.”

_“I suppose however that I’ll just have to split your Birthday cake between me and PenPen then.”_

Shinji reeled back in shock, “Y-You got me a cake?”

There was a laugh from Misato, _“Of course I got you a cake! It’s your birthday Shinji. Don’t worry though, we might save you a piece for when you return. Hell I’ll save you two pieces just in case things go really well with Asuka.”_

He was doubtful Misato would have to do that but appreciated it nonetheless, “Thank you Misato. I have to go now but I’ll let you know how everything goes.”

_“Sure thing Shinji, good luck!”_

Shinji hung up the phone and let out a sigh of relief. That didn’t end up being as difficult as he had expected it to be. Misato had understood the reason for him being here and didn’t seem to be too worried about why he had to keep it secret. Nor did she seem too angry about him disappearing like he had done. Still, there was always the possibility that she was just holding back until he returned.

Going forward he knew that things were not going to be quite as easy. His contact had helped set up this trip to Germany as well as setting up the hotel. They would also be providing him with the meeting place but this was all simple. Shinji was going to have to meet with Asuka and he didn’t know anything about her anymore. It had been four years since they had last seen one another. All he knew of her now was that she was alive and she was safe.

All he had of her for now though was the memory of what had happened on the day they had returned. He had woken up before her on that day and had left the area to find supplies. He had not been gone for very long but the time he had returned to that little spot on the beach she had gone.

**January 2 nd 2016 – One day after Third Impact**

Shinji felt the weight of the backpack over his shoulders as he finally approached the beach. He hoped he hadn’t been gone too long but there was no frame of reference for him, he didn’t have a watch nor did he have his phone any longer. The only possession he had anymore was his SDAT which he had left with Asuka.

Shinji had no idea what was going to happen going forward. He had no idea if he and Asuka were the only people in the entire world to have returned yet. He wondered if there could be others around the world waking up confused just like they had.

Shinji also had no idea what to expect when Asuka woke up. Everything that had just happened was so overwhelming at this point that he had developed a strange numbness to it all. His only emotions since returning had been when Asuka had reached up and caressed him.

He still couldn't process why he had done what he had done. What had possessed him to mount her like that and put his hands around her throat?

He had been alone for a few hours by then and she had appeared. All at once a surge of emotions had welled up within in. Here was the girl he had loved, that he had betrayed and abandoned. He could see the bandages on her body and her eye open staring straight up into the sky.

He hadn't believed she was really there. He thought that it was some cruel trick of hallucination being played on him. That the Asuka lying there was something or someone else sent to torture him further. He hadn't thought it was real.

_'I was... I was choking her... if she hadn't have done that would I have...'_

He stopped his train of thought right there. It would do him no good to think about that right now. All that mattered now was survival. He would suppress those emotions until a later time. He had returned, he had cried and not he had to keep himself and Asuka alive.

He continued his approach to the campsite and felt a tension within his stomach as he looked around the area. Asuka was nowhere to be seen but in her place were a number of small crates each bearing the logo of the UN.

“A-Asuka?” He called out but there was no reply.

He ran into the small area marked by the crates and dumped his backpack down onto the ground. He started frantically looking around for any trace of her but she was no longer here. As he searched he could see several sets of footprints leading away from the area. At a glance he could see the footprints were too big to be hers.

_'W-Where is she? What's happened?'_

He followed the sets of footprints managing to count at least three sets in the sand. Finally he came to where they stopped onto to see they had been replaced by tire tracks.

His vision started to blur almost instantly from the tears forming in his eyes as he dejectedly turned around and walked slowly back to the crates that had been left behind. Someone had been here and they must have taken Asuka while he was gone. There was nothing he could do about it either. If they had a vehicle they could have been long gone by now.

_'I-I should have stayed with her... she's... she's gone now and... I don't know where...'_

He glanced around at the crates and observed a small note attached to one of them. With trambling hands he snatched it and started to read through it.

_'To Shinji Ikari,_

_I hope this finds you well. My name is Doctor Karolin Hoffman, I am a doctor currently with a United Nations rescue team. I hope you are not too alarmed by what has occurred. We were alerted to what happened in Tokyo-3 and were sent in to find and rescue any survivors._

_On arrival we encountered your comrade Asuka Langley Soryu and we are transporting her to a medical facility where she will be looked over before being transported back to her native Germany. We also have a team incoming to aid with yourself and any other survivors that might appear in that time frame. Please make use of the supply crates we have left behind in the meantime._

_At this time we ask that you do not move from this area or search for us. Rest assured that Asuka is safe and help will arrive soon._

_Thank you.'_

He dropped the note and staggered backwards and slowly turned around spotting a single bandage lying on the ground. He dropped to his knees and picked it up. He turned it over in his hand before bringing it up to his face. He sniffed trying to suppress the sobs coming out of him but it was no use. All at once it started to come out, his wailing and sobbing the only sound on that desolate beach.


	3. Did I Say That?

Asuka took a sip from her drink and glanced around the restaurant having finished her bowl of ramen. She carefully placed her glass down and clenched her right hand into a fist afterwards. The cold from the glass felt unusual when she gripped it with that hand. It was a strange almost foreign feeling, yet it was also completely familiar. It was a feeling she hadn't felt in that limb for a number of years.

Asuka had long gotten used to having a prosthetic limb. She had had to have her original amputated four years ago due to the injuries she had sustained during the fight against the Eva series. At first it had taken a lot of getting used to. Without any nerve feedback the false limb felt alien to her. There was a lot of frustrating moments when performing simple tasks.

She had had to adjust a great many things. Relearning how to write with her other hand as an example. Adjusting to picking up objects or operating devices had a learning curve. Evan playing a games console, one of the few things she actually enjoyed doing could become a hellish experience.

Yet she had persevered and mastered it all just as she had attempted to do with everything else thrown at her. Still when the opportunity presented itself for an upgrade she had taken it. It was something she was actually thankful to her stepmother for. If it wasn't for her she wouldn't have it now, Asuka was the first to have this sort of technology.

Now for the first time in four years she was actually able to feel things again in that hand. She could feel how hot or cold an object was, she could feel how rough of smooth it was. She had only had it for a couple of days but it had already made an impact.

Whilst it wasn't perfect, there were still a few issues to work out it was significantly better than what she had before. Besides Asuka had had to deal with much worse things in her life than this.

With a sigh she finished the rest of her drink and pushed the bowl and glass towards the centre of the table. She rose and put the earphones of the SDAT back in and switched the device back on. This time she selected track 27 and as the music of this song flowed into her ears she thought once more about the boy whose birthday it would have been today.

Activities like this had become her own personal ritual over the last four years. Coming out on what would have been his birthday to celebrate it in some way, she supposed it was a tribute to him and a way of keeping him in her memory. Not that she ever thought she could forget about him.

Last year she had been to see a cello performance by one of Berlin’s local musicians. It had been a lovely performance, certainly worth of acclaim but all she could do during it was just wish that it was Shinji sat their playing the instrument.

Asuka could still remember with stunning detail the day she had walked in on Shinji playing the cello in Misato's apartment. She could even remember just how annoyed she had been when he told her why he did and continued to play it. Shinji always had a habit of annoying her like that. It was clear that he had talent for the instrument and he just downplayed it by claiming he wasn't very good. He even went one step further by claiming he only played it because no one had ever told him to stop.

Even now, as she looked back on it little things that that infuriated her. The idea that Shinji would just go along with what others wanted with no thought to himself. Hoping that he could please everyone just so that he wouldn't be hurt and would continue to feel needed.

It was unfortunate how the memories of that day were not happy ones. It was on that night she baited him into kissing her. She still cringed as she thought of how she used the memory of his dead mother to taunt him.

She could still remember just how soft his lips were against hers and how much she had enjoyed it at the time. She could remember how she had been waiting for his hands to come around her waist and old her closer to him and give her what she had always wanted.

Yet that never came, instead he had pulled away from her struggling to catch his breath before of her holding his nose. This was followed by her running away pretending to be disgusted by it all and blaming Shinji for everything.

_'Urgh damn it, why the hell am I thinking about that for now? I'm better than this! It's his brithday isn't it? I shouldn't be thinking about moments like that, I should be thinking about the happier times before we all got so fucked up.'_

Finally she moved out of the booth and checked her handbag contained everything she needed. She zipped it up and slung it over her shoulder and then fasted up her jacket. She got about half-way to the exit when she spotted the man entering.

Almost instantly she felt her eyes widen and her stomach twist itself into knots. Her mouth opened ever so slightly as he too caught full sight of her. All she could do was mutter to herself.

_'No... impossible...'_

XXX

Shinji turned onto the street and once again checked the directions on his phone. He looked up and found himself in front of the small mock-Japanese restaurant. This was definitely the right place. He came to a stop and apprehensively glanced through the window.

For a moment he thought he could see just a flicker of red hair but on second glance there was nothing there.

This was going to be it, he thought to himself. He would step through that door and he would have his chance to see her again. He looked down at his phone, this was definitely the place. He felt a bit strange about going about things in this fashion. He had at first asked his contact if it wouldn't have been better to call Asuka or e-mail but they had assured him that doing this in person would have been better.

As he glanced through the window looking for any sign of her he cast his mind back to the brief time they had spent together four years ago. The two of them had gone through so much in that short space of time. They had fought together and with one another. They had managed to save one another and hurt one another. They had laughed together and they had almost died together.

In simple terms Shinji knew he loved her, he had done for a long time despite all the pain they had put one another through. He longed to be beside her, to talk to her and hold her. He had never told anyone his feelings for her. Misato of course knew, she had never questioned him on the subject but it was obvious that she knew.

He readied himself to see her once again and wondered just what sort of reaction he might get from Asuka. He had prepared himself for her to hate him. In his mind that was exactly what he deserved. Back in those days he had done terrible things to her. He had ran to her for help when she clearly needed it too. He had left her to die in the fight against the Eva series and he had nearly finished the job on their return.

When he was faced with all of that Shinji couldn't help but feel that it had been for the best that Asuka had returned to Germany. He wondered if maybe all he could ever offer Asuka was pain and suffering or if maybe all they could do was hurt one another. They were both victims of what Misato called the hedgehog's dilemma, both so scared of being hurt that they hurt others to keep them away.

Still Shinji wanted to and had to do this. He had not made the decision four years ago to return to his life just to run away and continue being afraid of being hurt. He didn't want to be hurt any longer and he didn't embrace the idea of being hurt but he knew that to find happiness he would have to run the risk of pain.

In his heart he knew the same had to be true of Asuka, otherwise she would have have returned as quickly as she had done.

He started to approach the door and placed his hand on the handle. In doing so he came to a sudden realization. He actually had no idea what he was going to say or do when he finally saw her again. Shinji had so much he wanted to say yet he had no idea how to convey it to her.

He thought that perhaps he could start with a simple hello followed by an apology but then Asuka always hated it when he apologized. He then thought that maybe he'd tell her what he had realized so many years ago and had wished he had said to her back then, the three simple words 'I love you' but then he thought that'd be too strong.

Finally he ended up settling on the tactic he tended to use when he was an Eva pilot. He'd just make it up as he went along and hope he didn't do something stupid.

He pushed the door open and instantly his nostrils were filled with the various smells of the food offered in the restaurant. He looked amongst the sea of patrons trying to find her and finally he saw her exiting a booth along one of the walls. She had turned around just as he started to walk forward.

As their gazes met he felt his mouth go completely dry. The first thing he noticed was the eyepatch covering her left eye and his stomach twisted with guilt. Shinji had not seen what she looked like now, he knew when they had returned she had some injuries but the severity of them was unknown.

For moments they continued to stare at one another. She was a little bit taller now and her hair was a little bit shorter now yet still coming down to her shoulders. She had aged a little bit as would be expected but she was just what he had expected.

After a time Asuka pulled two earphones out but did not take her gaze off of Shinji. Finally he weakly raised his hand and waved, "Um... Hi Asuka."

 

She blinked and stood perfectly still for a moment. He wanted to say something else but no other words could come out. All he could do was wait for her reply and slowly drop his hand from the attempt at a wave. Almost instantly he got the feeling that this wasn’t going to go as he hoped and finally that confirmation came.

He had barely any time at all to react as she suddenly dashed forward and shoved him out of the way. He struggled to regain his balance and watched as she exited the restaurant. Around him he could feel the glare of the patrons but he did his best to ignore it as he too took to the door.

XXX

Asuka ran out of the restaurant and quickly made her way into the small alleyway besides it. She leaned herself against the wall and took a deep breath hoping that he lunch wasn’t about to force itself out of her stomach. That had been Shinji, he had entered that restaurant and he had waved to her. He had spoken her name. It was Shinji.

She was terrified by the sight of him, all she could do was go over it in her head and wondering if she was perhaps going mad.

_‘No no no no no! That’s not possible… Shinji is… they told me he was dead! Shinji is dead! It’s a trick, a hallucination! It’s just… I’m going mad… I’m so fucked up about it all and it’s finally happening to me! I’m going to end up just like mama did… I’m…’_

Eventually she started speak aloud, trying to rationalize it.

“It wasn’t really him, it was someone who looked like him. Shinji is dead! He’s dead… he’s dead…”

She turned herself around and leaned her back against the wall taking a few more deep breaths. She looked down at the artificial hand. The medication she had to take to ease the pain of the operation. She had had the limb less than a week! Maybe that was the cause of this. She clenched the hand into a fist and then released it before looking back towards the alleyways entrance only to once again find herself gazing straight ahead at the ghost of Shinji Ikari.

She started to back away from him but found herself bumping into the wall at the opposite end. Shinji made no attempt to move towards her but instead he looked at her, a look of concern written all across his face. This time she took the time to actually study him properly.

It was an eighteen year old Shinji Ikari was stood before her. He had on a clean pair of light blue jeans and a buttoned up short sleeved dark blue shirt. She noticed that his hair was a little bit longer than it used to be. Not quite as long as Kaji’s was but certainly progressing that way, his fringe was still somewhat messy though. He was clean shaven, even from her she could spot a small mark on his chin from where he must have cut himself.

She was starting to come to terms with it. Shinji was alive, ghosts didn’t cut themselves shaving. Yet this didn’t make any sense to her. When they had picked her up she had been told she was the only survivor.

“A-Asuka… I…” His voice trembled as he spoke. It was clear that he was nervous. How could he not have been, she had just reacted to him as if she had seen a ghost.

“Y-You!” She didn’t avert her gaze from him for a moment. She didn’t even care that she sounded terrified right now.

“Hey I…” Shinji trailed off not exactly sure of what to say to Asuka. He had played out a number of scenarios in his mind of what might happen if they were to see each other again. It was always cheesy little situations, they’d pass each other by and smile at one another. They run into each other’s arms or have some meaningful conversation. Nothing of course could have prepared him for the reality of it. He had known that all along.

Finally Asuka spoke again but what she said to him was definitely not what he was expecting to hear.

“This… this is impossible!”

He raised an eyebrow curiously, “Asuka I…”

“Shut up!” She spat back at him, “Just… shut up! This is… you’re… you’re supposed to be dead!”

Shinji stepped back in complete shock at what she had said. He mustn’t have heard her correctly. She had just said he was supposed to be dead. Why would she think that? He swallowed realizing that this must have explained her reaction to seeing him again. If she thought he was dead then him turning up like that must have been a huge shock.

He carefully chose his next words, trying to not upset the situation any further.

“Asuka, I… I don’t understand? What do you mean I’m supposed-?”

She brought he hands up to her head and shook her head shooting back at him, “Shut up! Just shut up! Shut up idiot Shinji, just… Shut up!”

Staring down at the floor she took another breath to calm herself and slowly looked up. Her mouth was open ever so slightly in shock. For over four years she had believed him to be dead. She had never contemplated that the people who rescued her might have been wrong or even worse that they had lied to her.

She had never contemplated that there would come a day where she would see Shinji again. She had just tried to continue living her life trying to remember him as best she could. Yet here he was, in front of her.

“I-It really is you isn’t it?” She spoke softly.

A small smile spread across his face as he nodded, “Yes… It’s me.”

She had played out moments like this in her own mind over the course of the past four years. A reunion with Shinji, the one person who she could ever say she had actually loved in this world. In her own mind she had always pictured something silly like her running into his arms and allowing herself to finally open up. He’d hold her and say something sweet and she’d allow herself to cry and the two of them would hold each other and cry together.

Yet as the two of them stood there looking at one another she realized that this was certainly not going to happen. In that scenario she had never been told he was dead, in that scenario it was a case of them just being apart for a time. The reality was that she was going to have to come to terms with the fact that he was not dead. She was going to have to come to terms with the fact that someone had fed her false information either by accident or on purpose.

She was not going to be able to run into his arms just yet and she knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hold her yet. Right now she was finding that the only thing she wanted to do was run away as fast as she could. All those little scenarios and fantasies she had played out were exactly that, fantasies and the reality was that she was terrified.

Instead of just running away though she was finding herself completely unable to move. Fear had gripped her and a familiar anger from times past was beginning to well up inside of her. She was not ready for this yet. She was not going to be able to be the person she imagined yet or that Shinji expected.

What she was imagining now was that she would only be hurt by being here and around him. It was time for her to retreat by any means necessary.

Shinji was completely uncertain of what to do or say next. This reaction had been beyond anything he had expected. There had been no indication from anyone that Asuka had believed he was dead. He had expected her to be angry with him and he had expected some awkwardness but he had not expected to see a look of fear in her eyes. Nor had he expected to learn of his supposed fate. Shinji simply didn’t understand anything.

He tried taking a step forward, “Asuka… what did you mean by… dead?”

His question only managed to draw a sharp glare from Asuka as she retorted, “Are you stupid? What else could I have meant by that? I mean dead as in you not being alive! You… they told me… they told me that you had died!”

Shinji resisted the urge to run away or yell out in surprise. Instead he tried to keep himself calm but hearing that chilled him. Someone had told Asuka that he had died, the person who had contacted him to arrange this had failed to inform him of this. Was that on purpose? Considering who it was it can’t have been but then why wouldn’t they have told him?

For the first time since arriving he was now wondering if perhaps he had made a terrible mistake. Maybe he should have found another way to contact her. Maybe he shouldn’t have bothered at all. He was thinking that perhaps he should have just gotten on with his life rather than trying to see her again.

Eventually he managed to stammer out a response that he was sure would only irritate the girl further, “I-I’m not dead!”

“I’m not blind! I can see that!” She barked back at him.

Asuka stayed glued to the spot in the alleyway and dared not to take her eyes off of him. There was a silly little thought that if she did maybe he would vanish and this would reveal itself to be some horrific trick of the mind.

She tried to think of something to say or do but all she kept coming back to was the feeling that she couldn’t deal with this right now. There were so many conflicting feelings within her right now it was impossible to process it.

There was a relief that Shinji was actually alive. A happiness that she could see him again and that he hadn’t died like she had been told. Yet his presence also brought with it the baggage of the past. The painful memories of her pre-Third Impact life were being put back into the forefront of her mind.

Adding to that was the anger she felt at being made to believe he was dead for all those years. Even after they had seen how she had reacted no one had ever told her otherwise. It wasn’t like she didn’t still have ties to NERV. Instead they had kept up the pretense all that time, they must have known.

“I…” Shinji started to speak but again he trailed off with his mind still so uncertain of what he could say.

One more deep breath from Asuka as she tried to regain her composure. She stood up a straight as she could and stared into his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” She demanded of him.

He took some time to reply but when it came it was just what she had expected, “I came to see you Asuka… I wanted to…”

She frowned and cut him off, “You wanted to see me huh?”

Shinji started to take a step forward but this simply prompted Asuka to hold out her hand to stop him, “No! Don’t come near me… just… don’t…”

Not wishing to provoke any anger from her he stopped instantly. He knew just how delicate the situation was and let her have whatever space and time she might have needed.

“Asuka I… I wanted to… apologize for everything that happened.”

She couldn’t explain why but she felt something snap inside of her when she heard him say the word apologize. It was a word she hated him using back then. He always had to apologize for things that weren’t his fault and here he was again. Back into her life and he feels he has to apologize.

She snapped back at him, “Apologize? You came all this way to apologize?”

She watched as he nodded weakly, “I… just… I don’t know. I wanted to see you again and… well for what happened back then and on that day… I felt bad and…”

She smirked, “So that’s what this is then? A vacation to satiate your ego? Come and apologize for Asuka because you feel so bad about it all and everything will be alright? Asuka will forgive me and then I can go and get back on with my life?”

He held up his hands in protest, “No I…”

Again she cut him off, “Just shut up! Don’t… say anything!”

“Sor-“

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

Asuka didn’t mean to yell at him but it was just something that had happened. She could feel the sudden torrent of anger flow through her as her need to escape and run away started to become desperate. She didn’t want to hurt Shinji, it was the last thing she wanted to do but she had to get away from him right now. If it meant hurting him then she’d take that option.

_‘Why today of all days Shinji… why and how? Why…’_

She slowly started to move towards him and hoped that she could just ease past him and get away. It was not to be though and she stopped as she saw him reach into the pocket of his jeans and pull out a small card. He held the card out towards her. She quickly snatched it from his trembling hands.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s… This is where I’m staying whilst I’m here. It’s where you can contact me, I’ve put my number on the back and the room number. I’ll be staying here for just over a week… I’d… I’d really like to see you again Asuka…”

She froze up completely for a moment as she just stared at the card. Her stomach churned as the need to leave was increasing.

“Can you please leave now?” She had muttered the words but it was just loud enough for him to hear her.

Shinji’s heard dropped as he heard her words. This reunion had not gone how he had wanted it to go at all. Yet aside from learning that she had thought he was dead he had expected it to have gone badly in some way. He had hoped for a different outcome but in his heart he knew that this was probably the only way it could have gone. All he could do was listen to her now as she continued.

“Just leave me Shinji. I don’t want to see you now and I definitely don’t want your apologies. I don’t want to contact you either. Please, just go back to Japan. Go back to Misato and the others and your life there. Forget about me and forget about Germany. There is nothing for you here.”

Shinji stepped back and lowered his eyes to the ground. She caught a glimpse of them as he did this and could see they had become watery. She cursed herself in the realization that she was just doing what she always used to. Using her words to hurt him even when she didn’t want to.

Her old fear of being hurt was causing her to do this. In a moment she had regressed behind the walls she had built around herself. It was little more than an effort to disguise her own pain and fear, an effort to stop herself crying or appearing weak in front of him. An effort to allow her to run away.

Shinji swallowed back all of the questions he wanted to ask and things he wanted to say to her. She had told him to leave. She had said she didn’t want him here and in that moment his ideas and wishes had all been crushed.

He tried one more time to salvage the situation, “Asuka I…”

“Please just leave Shinji. Nothing good will come of this. You’ll just end up hurting me or I’ll end up hurting you like we always used to. I know why you’re here. It’s because you feel guilty about everything.”

She could see the hurt across his face as she continued to lay into him, “You can’t talk to Misato about it and you can’t talk to your friends about it. They wouldn’t understand because they weren’t a pilot like we were. Somehow you found out where I was and you’re coming to me. You think that you can come to me and get some sort of forgiveness, that I’ll say ‘Oh it’s alright, what happened four years ago wasn’t so bad. I’m over it now and you should be’ and all will be good again. You’re pathetic.”

Shinji tried to stand his ground. “No, it isn’t like that Asuka! I wanted to see you, I care about you!”

“Bullshit! You care about yourself! You’re still just so scared of everyone else except me because you think you know me! Except you don’t know me. Just… go away!”

Shinji stepped forward again, “Asuka I…”

“SHUT UP!”

There was almost no time to react as Asuka brought her hand up to slap him. He felt pain shoot across his hand from where he had blocked the blow and felt his eyes widen as he saw the first time the arm she had used. He could see immediately that it was a prosthetic. It was a dark red, a number of markings were around the joints.

He looked at her in shock, “Asuka… your arm… I-“

“It’s none of your fucking business, just go already.”

Finally he stepped back from her and out of the alleyway. She studied his expression as his gaze went from her now exposed arm up to her face. There was a moment of awkwardness as he looked at her injuries and she knew at that moment he was starting to make the connection. What he was seeing, the eyepatch and the artificial arm were because of the injuries she had sustained on that day. The product of his inaction.

“I… I’ll go…”

She felt sick and suddenly there was an urge within her to reach out and grab him as he spun around. An urge to tell him not to go and that she didn’t mean any of it, she just needed time. That she was sorry. Only she couldn’t do that. All she could do was watch as he ran away from her and disappeared out of view around the corner of the street. It was only when he had vanished from view that she could finally release the breath she had been holding in since he had said he would go.

She felt awful about driving him away like that and reacting in the way she had done. This had been the moment she had wanted and dreamed about for four years. To have that opportunity to see him once again but she had completely messed it up. She had allowed her fears to make her regress to how she used to be. So instead of feeling better she had just hurt him and herself.

She muttered to herself, “Coward… even after four years you’re still the same.”


	4. It Just Won't Quit

Asuka stormed into her room and flung the shopping back onto the bed. She slammed the door shut and instantly regretted the action. Someone would have heard her do that, maybe it’d be one of the drivers in the kitchen or one of the maids but they would have heard it. They would have been concerned and then tell her stepmother and that meant there was the risk of Asuka having to explaint he outburst.

She had done well over the last four years to try to keep any such outbursts to a minimum. She had tried to bottle up every little bit of anger and sadness that there was inside of her and only unleash it when she knew she was truly alone. This time was different though, all of those other times it had only been memories or nightmares that had plagued it. It was easy in those cases to just lock herself in the shower or stuff her face into her pillow and scream or yell.

This time it was something very real that was triggering her, it was him. He was alive and he was now in Germany. He had come to see her.

She sat herself down on the edge of the bed and gingerly rubbed her arm in the area that Shinji had caught it when she had went to slap him. His touch had been remarkably soft and gentle despite having enough force to catch her arm as she tried to slap him. There was a warmth to it and she had felt each and every bit of that warmth and gentleness.

It was so surreal for her to think that if he had arrived just a week earlier she wouldn’t have felt any of that, it would have just been the feel of something solid blocking the material of whatever her previous prosthetic was made out of. Now she was actually able to feel it.

She stared at the hand watching it closely as she continued to clench it and unclench it into a fist. Finally she allowed herself to smile softly as she came to a bizarre realization. The last thing she could remember really feeling before she had to switch to the prosthetic was the feeling of Shinji’s face as she caressed his cheek on that day.

For four years she had spent that time feeling nothing until her stepmother had arranged for this new prototype to be fitted only a few days ago. Now that she was able to have some feedback in her hand and arm again one of the first things of significance she had felt was Shinji’s touch. Even though she had tried to slap him there was a strange sort of romance in it. She supposed it was a type of romance befitting people like them.

After a time she sighed realizing what a mistake she had made. She had known from the moment she had started yelling at him in an attempt to drive him away that it was a mistake. She regretted each and every bit of it. It wasn’t Shinji’s fault that she didn’t know that he had actually been alive for the past four years. It was the others who were to blame for that. She intended to find out who but that wasn’t the important thing right now.

Nor was it wasn’t Shinji’s fault that she was terrified of showing her real feelings and had to hide them away. That was a product of her own fears and insecurities. Shinji had just been an unfortunately target of them, just as he always used to be.

It was true that she did still harbor some anger towards him. She knew all of his actions before Third Impact. It was hard not to, the two of them had been intrinsically linked throughout the entire process. So she had seen what had happened, she knew just how he had used her body as he touched himself in her hospital room. It was something that still made her feel sick to this day.

She also knew how he had not even tried to help her during the fight against the Eva series. She had seen the exact moment and whilst she was certain he probably couldn’t have done anything with Unit 01 encased in Bakelite like it had been, she knew that he hadn’t even tried.

She also knew how during the process of Third Impact and the so called Instrumentality Shinji had basically told the world to die. Of course for that she also shared some of the guilt, he had sought her out in the process believing that she could help him. All she had done was driving him on to actually do it. She had wanted him to end the world and the misery she was feeling at the time.

Yet she had actually managed to let most of that go somehow. She had come to a decision on that day. A decision to leave that sea of LCL and actually make an effort to understand herself and others. She would try to let go of the hatred and fear she had inside her and attempt to love others and allow herself to be loved.

Only she hadn’t done any of that. Over the last four years since she had lost Shinji she had simply regressed to how she used to be. She had sealed herself off once again behind those walls and pretended that she didn’t need anyone. She kept others at arm’s length and just used people as a matter of convenience.

There had of course been times she had wanted to drop her guard and admit defeat but she had not been able to. No one was ever going to be capable of helping her except for Shinji and until today she had thought he was dead.

 _'I've lost again haven't I? And it's my own stupid fault...'_ She thought to herself.

She looked around her spacious bedroom. It was a far cry from the smaller room she had when she stayed with Misato in Japan. She always remember complaining about the size of the rooms in Japan when she had moved over there. Of course she had grown up used to this sort of luxury and in many ways she had taken it for granted. It had made her act spoilt in many ways.

Now however she felt she longed for that environment at Misato’s once again. Instead of having her own ensuite bathroom she missed the dash into that bathroom before Misato or Shinji could get in. She missed the cramped feeling of the front room as she and Shinji argued over whose turn it was to control the television. She even missed studying at the kitchen table whilst Shinji cooked their dinner.

It wasn’t as if she hated this room or anything in it. She was thankful for everything she had but it just felt so empty at times. Like it was just stuff there to help her pass the time. She wanted to share it with someone.

She let out another sigh and spoke, 'I lost my mother... I lost my Eva and my purpose in life... I lost my eye and my arm... I lost Shinji and then I found him only to fuck that up...'

She rose to her feet and felt something in her pocket, she pulled it out and saw that it was the card Shinji had given her earlier. She looked at the name and address of the hotel, it was just some chain hotel in the heart of the city. As she turned it over she could see the room number and Shinji’s phone number.

She continued this ritual of turning the card over, looking at each side intently before smiling and looking back towards the shopping bag she had brought home with her. She had come to a decision. She tipped the contents of the bad onto the bed.

'No Asuka... You haven't lost yet.'

XXX

Shinji sat himself down on the bed and snatched his phone up from the side table. Immediately he pulled up the site for the airline and checked the list of flights. There was one leaving later tonight, with any luck he would be able to get himself to the airport, book the ticket and be back in Japan by tomorrow.

The cost of the ticket wouldn't be a problem. He had enough money from the various payouts he had been given by the UN and Japanese government for all he had gone through with NERV and as a means of keeping him quiet about it all. Not to mention he didn't exactly spend a lot of money as it was.

If it came to it he could even push for Section 2 to bring him home, it'd be embarrassing to call for them for help but he really didn't care anymore. All he wanted to do now was leave this place.

He thought back to that encounter earlier today. He should have known all along that it would have ended up like this. What else could have happened between them? Asuka hated him then and she hated him even more now.

It was hard for him to blame her. He had failed to help her when she had needed it the most. He had disgraced her in the hospital room. He had not even tried to help her when she was being torn apart by the Eva series and even when they had returned he had tried to help her.

He thought back to the sight of her wearing that eyepatch and prosthetic arm and tried to blink back the burning sensation of tears in his eyes. Instead he glanced at the packed suitcase and backpack besides him on the bed. Shinji felt like the idiot that Asuka always told him he was. He had travelled all this way for little more than a foolish dream and it was just like Asuka had said, he was simply going to try to use her again to make himself feel better.

Shinji shook his head and argued with himself in his head, _'No, that's not true! I'm not a bad person and I wasn't going to use her... I just had to see her again and talk to her. I didn't expect anything I just wanted her to know that I lo-'_

Shinji's train of thought was cut off by a sudden knock at his door. Curiously he stood up and made his way towards it. He hadn't ordered any room service, having the intention to leave as soon as possible it would have been pointless. He could eat at the airport. In addition to this the maid had already been in whilst he was out earlier. So he had no idea who could have been knocking on the door at this time.

Slowly he opened it and had to stop himself from gasping in surprise at what he saw on the other side.

"A-Asuka?" He exclaimed.

Shinji could hardly believe his own eyes as he met her gaze. Asuka was stood outside his hotel room. She had gotten changed from before and was now wearing a yellow sundress not too dissimilar from the one she had worn on the day they had first met. Her hair was flowing freely down to her shoulders and atop her head were two cute little red bows.

Shinji wanted to tell her instantly how beautiful she looked but he found the words to be caught in his throat. Instead he looked on as she turned her head away sheepishly and suddenly seemed to be very interested in a piece of dust sitting besides the door.

"Can I come in then?" She finally asked, her voice was low but just audible enough for Shinji to hear.

He nodded, "Yes, of course."

He moved out of the way to allow the redhead into the room and watched as she made her way into the room and instantly stopped as she saw the packed suitcase and backpack sitting on top of the neatly made bed.

A pang of guilt shot through her as she observed the scene but there was also some comfort for her that she seemed to have made it here just in time. She didn't turn around to face him but just kept on looking at the packed up luggage.

"So... you were really going to leave?"

Shinji nodded, "Yeah... I just finished packing and I was going to grab a flight back to Japan this evening."

She turned around and glared at him, "So just like that you're going. It didn't go how you wanted so you're just going to run away?"

Shinji shrugged not really wanting to have this conversation, "I guess."

She turned herself back around and moved closer to the luggage. He watched as she started absent mindedly playing with the leather name tag on his suitcase. Asuka found herself intrigued by the rough feel of the material in her new hand and started to compare it to how it felt in her real one.

She had to admit that she wasn't overly surprised that Shinji was going to leave. After all that was exactly what she had told him to do. She did however feel extremely lucky that she had managed to get to him just before he had left. There was still a slither or a chance to salvage this.

She sighed and swallowed the pride within her, "Shinji, you can't leave yet."

Shinji stared at the back of her head and just watched as she continued to fidget with the tag on his suitcase.

"I don't understand."

"What is there to not understand you idiot? I can't make it any easier for you to understand, I'm saying that you can't leave yet!"

"Asuka you mad-" Shinji started to reply but was very quickly cut off.

"Shut up! I know exactly what I said and... well..."

Asuka trailed off and thought about the best way to phrase this. Apologizing was always difficult for her. To apologize was to admit she had done something wrong and Asuka Langley Soryu didn't do anything wrong. Unfortunately deep down she knew that wasn't true. She had done a lot of things wrong and wished she could apologize for all of it. For now though this would have to do.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'mreallysorryItoldyoutoleaveandyelledatyouanddon'tgoalright?"

It was hard for Shinji to not burst out laughing at how much Asuka's voice had sped up during her apology. He couldn't quite make out everything she had said but he was sure there was an 'I'm sorry' in there. Moments later she turned around to face him again having lost interest in the tag.

"It's fine Asuka... I understand why-"

She cut him off in frustration, "No It isn't fine Shinji! God you're so annoying! Is this what you're like back in Japan still? Just rolling over and accepting it whenver someone does something wrong to you? I'm actually apologizing here Shinji, a rare genuine apology from me! It's probably the first and last time I'll ever do this so just accept the damn thing will you!"

He tried to protest, "But Y-"

"SHINJI!" She yelled back at him.

In his own frustration he raised his voice back, "FINE! I'll accept your apology then!"

"GOOD, ACCEPT IT THEN!"

"I HAVE!"

"GOOD!"

A silence fell over the room as they stared at one another, neither one daring to make the next move. Asuka was scowling at Shinji and Shinji frowning at Asuka. After half a minute both the scowl and frown softened into a genuine smile as Asuka sat herself down on the bed. She looked up at Shinji.

"Did you really come back here just to see me?"

Shinji nodded a confirmation, "Yes... I did."

"Why?"

Shinji shrugged, he wasn't quite ready to tell her about his feelings just yet. That seemed a bit too strong for the moment but given the opportunity he would tell her. He was finding it difficult to scramble for another reason that didn't sound stupid or creepy.

"I... just had to see you again I guess. I know it was stupid and I probably shouldn't have come here but... I just felt it was something I had to do."

Something you had to do?" She asked him.

"Yeah but it was a mistake. You were right Asuka, I came back here hoping that you'd forgive me for what happened. It was just so that I could maybe feel better about who I am."

She held her tongue as he continued to speak, "It's just like you said Asuka, I can't turn to anyone else back there. I'm scared of what they'll say or do if I tell them about it all. Misato won't understand, to here I just saved the world. To Touji and Kensuke I'm a hero too, they don't and could never understand any of it. If I told them about the things I did they..."

He trailed off in discomfort at the memories, "They'd hate me just like you do Asuka. Yet, you're the only one who can possibly understand me. You know everything and were there throughout the entire thing."

She didn't move from where she was and kept her eye focused on his face, she could see his body trembling as he spoke.

"It's exactly like before then, you're so scared of everyone else and you come to me..."

Shinji nodded weakly, she could see a tear rolling down his cheek.

"You're pathetic, do you know that."

Shinji nodded again as he looked down at her prosthetic hand and clenched it into a fist. Finally she rose to her feet. Shinji didn't move from where he was standing.

"So what, you want my forgiveness? You want me to say 'I forgive you Shinji' and then everything will suddenly be better? You want me to talk to you and tell you to snap out of it?"

Shinji shook his head, "I- I don't know... I don't deserve your forgiveness Asuka. I just... I..."

Once more he trailed off as more tears threatened to come. It was all he could do to stop himself from sobbing in front of her and he watched as she moved towards him her hand still balled up into a fist. He didn't flinch as it finally came towards him but much to his surprise it didn't catch him in the face like he expected. Instead it moved around to the back of his head, opened up and came to rest gently on the back of his head.

Her touch was incredibly light as he felt each of her hands artificial fingers run themselves through his hair.

"Asuka..."

She stared straight into his eyes with a fierce expression on her face but she kept on gently stroking the back of his head. She was savoring the moment as her hands continued to make their way through the strands of hair.

"I forgive you Shinji, for every little thing. I forgave you four years ago when I was told you had died and now that you're here in person I can tell you that I forgive you. So there you go, you can now go back knowing that. So... just say hello to Misato for me will you."

She removed her hand from the back of his head and brushed past him towards the door. As she approached it she paused hopefully and placed her hand upon the handle. She closed her eyes as she became aware of him staring at her.

"Asuka I...!"

His mouth went completely dry as soon as he yelled out. He couldn't just leave it like this, getting forgiveness wasn't why he had come here and he certainly wasn't going to leave Germany with them both in this state. He wanted to talk to her properly, he had to tell her how he felt about her. She had given him an opening for them to be friends once more and he had to take it. Things might have gotten off to a bad start but there was a chance. If things went wrong he could always get a flight tomorrow or the next day but he couldn't run away now.

Asuka finally opened her eyes and and turned towards him smiling, "There is a café next door, it's a bit expensive but that's not a problem right? I mean... you were going to ask me if I wanted to get coffee with you, weren't you?"

Shinji returned the smile and wiped the tears from his face, "Yeah... I'd like that Asuka.

XXX

Shinji sat himself dowjn in the booth that Asuka had picked out for them and waited for her to return from ordering. His knowledge of German was functional enough to order food and drink but he was happy to let Asuka handle that particular task.

Asuka made her way back over and sat down followed fairly instantly by a waiter with a tray and small pot of tea for them to share along with two matching cups. Shinji looked on in silence as Asuka poured herself a cup, stirred in a small quantity of milk and one helping of sugar.

He kept on looking from her arm to her eye-patch and felt a swell of guilt each as he thought about them.

Asuka wrapped her hand around the cup but instantly pulled away from the unexpected heat.

"Ow!"

Concerned Shinji looked at the hand, "Are you alright?"

She nodded in frustration, "Yeah, I'm still getting used to this damn thing. Only had it a couple of days, I couldn't feel a thing with the last one and now I can feel everything. I can't tell if it provides more feedback than my real hand does or not but I guess I'll get used to it..."

"Is that because of..." Shinji trailed off again remembering how Asuka had reacted when he had pointed out the arm during their encounter in the alleyway. She had told him that it was none of her business. This time there was no anger, she instead gave a weak smile and went back to stirring her tea.

"The fight with the Eva series? Yup, was my own fault really. I pushed Eva to its limited and managed to achieve that one hundred percent sync ratio we saw you get so many times. The bastards threw their lances at me and it tore my arm apart and fucked up my eye as well. When I came back it looked like they had repaired themselves, somehow I had been bandaged up but... well two weeks after I got picked up and brought home they found an infection and they had to remove the damn thing. As for the eye... well that never repaied itself so I'm just blind in the damn thing. I don't need the eye patch, just wear it because it looks cool I guess."

Shinji looked towards the entrance of the café avoiding her gaze, "I'm... really sorry about that Asuka... If I..."

Asuka cut him off sharply, "Just... forget about it Shinji, I really don't want to talk about it, not now or ever. I've already said more than I'm comfortable with."

"Sorry."

She resisted the urge to berate him for the apology and instead just watched as he fell silent and stirred milk into his tea. She could see from the way he was looking around the café anxiously that he had no idea what to say to her. She couldn't blame him, she knew that he was probably just scared that she'd call him stupid for most of them.

She decided to break the silence.

"So are you still living with Misato?"

Shinji nodded in response, "Yeah, we have an apartment in Tokyo-2 now. She works for a new organization called WILLE. I don’t know much about them, I just stay out of the way but I know they are aiding with the rebuilding of Japan after all that happened and they're involved in some anti-Evangelion activities to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Yeah I know of them. I've heard my father mention them a couple of times. What about you, what do you do?"

Shinji shrugged, "Not much really."

"Well what about school? You'll be reaching looking towards University now right?"

Shinji shook his head, "I have a private tutor now, I just... didn't really feel like being back in a school environment. I do well enough because of it but I don't really know what I want to do going forward. I've been given offers and the government said they'll even finance it but I just don't know what I want to do."

Asuka listened to him wondering if Shinji's lack of knowing what to do was because of what had happened or if he had always been like that. They never really spoke about their lives after the Angel Attacks back when they lived together.

"So you don't see the others?" She asked.

"I still see them. Touji and Hikari are dating now, Kensuke hasn't changed that much although he knows not to talk about the Eva's around me. We hang out on weekends and such whenever they're free."

Asuka smiled, "That's good, I was worried you would have become a recluse like wondergirl or something."

Shinji looked away at the mention of Rei's name. Asuka immediately felt a degree of guilt as she saw the sadness in his eyes.

"She never came back did she?"

Shinji shook his head, "No... I don't think she could have done. She... sacrificed herself so that we could continue to live. I just wish I had the chance to thank her I suppose, or know more about her. Everything was destroyed and my father probably won't come back."

Asuka wondered if she should ask him any more questions about Rei. She didn't really know who Rei was by the end of it all. She knew there was a connection between Rei and Shinji but at this time thought it'd be best to change the subject.

"So has Misato changed at all?"

Shinji grinned, "Not really, she doesn't drink as much anymore but I still end up doing all of the cooking and cleaning in the apartment."

"Poor little housebroken Shinji, have you ever considered telling her to do some of it herself?" She remarked.

"Not really, I don't mind doing it and besides I have to when it comes to cooking. I mean you've tasted her cooking right?"

Asuka gave a small shudder as she sipped from her tea. She could remember in excruciating detail her experiences with Misato's cooking. They were not pleasant ones for her taste buds or for her stomach.

"Asuka... Can I ask you something..."

She nodded and there was a pause as he wondered how to phrase his question, "Earlier on you said that I was dead. You... said they told you, what did you mean by that?"

Asuka let out a sigh, "Pretty much that. I don't really want to talk about it too much but considering it concerns you I guess you should know. When we came back... it must have been after we fell asleep but I was picked up by a UN team and they told me... well they said you didn't make it."

Shinji's hands started to tremble at hearing those words and he immediately set his cup down on the table, "B-But why?"

"How should I know? They never bothered to correct themselves either, so for the past four years I thought you were dead. I had no way to contact any of you lot either so I..."

It was now Asuka's turn to trail off and figure out the best way to phrase things. There was still a degree of anger inside of her at the revelation that Shinji was alive but she still hadn't had much of an opportunity to think about it.

"It doesn't really matter right now anyway, I'll find out the truth later. You're alive and they were wrong so... everybody is happy right? Except for us two of course because we're us."

They both laughed at her words and she took advantage of the small break in conversation to reach into the bag she had brought with her. She pulled out a rectangular box that had been covered in a dark red cloth with a bow tied around it. She placed it on the table and slid it towards Shinji.

"Here, this is for you. I didn't have much time to get it so I'm sorry if it isn't very good."

He took hold of the box and looked from it to her in confusion, "Huh? For me? Why?"

"Are you stupid? For your birthday of course!"

"M-My birthday... o-of course..."

He carefully pulled the bow apart and unfolded the cloth from the box. The box itself was a dark wooden box, he gasped in shock as he slowly opened it to reveal a brand new and very expensive cello bow within.

"A-Asuka this is..." He took the bow out of the box and held it in his hands for a moment feeling the weight of it. His mouth was still wide open in surprise.

"You still play right?"

Shinji smiled and nodded, "Yeah... I've actually started playing a lot more since Third Impact. My tutor heard me and a few others have and... they managed to get me offers to join a few music schools but I'm not really too sure. Misato said I should take them but... I just enjoy playing, I don't really think about it as a potential career or anything."

He paused for a moment admiring the bow, "But... Asuka... where... I mean this must have cost you a fortune, are you sure?"

His reaction only drew a laugh from Asuka, "Of course I'm sure you idiot, money isn't exactly a problem for me and it's not like I spend a lot of what I have anyway, just... promise me you'll use it right?"

Shinji nodded enthusiastically, "Of course I'll use it! I... I just don't know how to properly thank you."

"Well actually saying thank you would be a start."

"Thank you."

"And besides you don't have to do anything, it's a gift for your birthday! Or did you forget about that?"

Shinji was still in awe of the gift as he placed it back into the wooden box, "No I didn't forget, it's just... I didn't think you'd know it was my birthday today."

"Well I did, I mean I looked up your records once and it was just a date that stuck with me I guess." She shrugged nonchalantly. She didn't really have any need to tell him that the only reason she had actually been out today was to celebrate his birthday, nor did she had any desire to tell him that she had in fact marked each of his last four birthdays in some way.

Shinji looked across at her still unable to believe the present she had gotten for him. "So what about you, what do you do now?"

Asuka shrugged, "Not a lot. Unlike when I was in Japan I don't have to go to school because of my college degree but I couldn't exactly find work so I just..."

Asuka paused wondering if she should admit to Shinji what she had been doing for the past four years since coming back to Germany.

"I... well I develop independent computer games."

Shinji couldn't help but smile. He knew from the short time they had spent together in Japan that Asuka had enjoyed playing games but he never knew she had a talent or interest in making them, "You... make computer games?"

Asuka nodded, "Yes, had some success with it as well. Well of course I will have done, I was basically a certified genius at thirteen."

"W-What have you made?"

"A few things, I go under the name Studio Longinus." She commented nonchalantly thinking that the name would mean nothing to Shinji. Instead it meant something to Shinji, he had to stop himself from yelling.

"Wait... that's you! Kensuke is a huge fan of their... well your stuff! Especially the robot one, he said it's one of the best mecha games he's ever played."

Asuka grinned, "Figures I'd have a fan in that nerd. Please don't tell him it's me will you?"

"Okay... but why? I mean, your stuff has gotten great reviews why wouldn't you want people to know it’s you?"

Asuka frowned, "Why do you think? People find out about the developer of those games being some girl called Asuka Langley Soryu they start digging into my past. They find my records half erased or whatever happened to them and they wonder why. I get harassed about it, someone undoubtedly finds out about my history as a pilot and I can't create in peace. Its better that way, I just want to make the damn things I don't care about people knowing who I am anymore. Oh and don't you dare tell Kensuke either!"

Shinji nodded, "I won't... I understand. People know little bits about the Eva's now but the pilot's identities are hidden but there are always threats to try and reveal them or ideas to do so. I'd rather people not know either but Asuka... why Studio Longinus I mean isn't that..."

Shinji sat her tea down and smirked, "Well what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right? Or at least in my case what does kill you, takes away one of your eyes and arms can only make you stronger. I was struggling to think of a name and that one just seemed like a good one. It has an air of mystery to it."

"I suppose if I did that I could call it Studio Parental Abandonment or Studio Decapitated Best Friend or something then." He joked.

Asuka let out a laugh, "Wow Shinji has a sense of a humour! Didn't see that one coming. Although those names don't quite roll off the tongue like mine does."

Asuka paused for a moment and looked around the café. This was nice, being able to sit and talk with Shinji about what she did. She felt no expectations from him and no need to explain all of her actions to him. She was hoping there would be more opportunities for it.

She sipped from her tea and looked back up at him, "So... are you still going to go back to Japan? You're going to leave my magnificent city without seeing any of the wondrous sights or attractions?"

"I... I don't know. I came to see you but I didn't really think about anything besides that. I guess I should have put a bit more thought into it."

Asuka laughed, "You haven't changed at all have you? So what did you think was going to happen, you'd come here and meet me and that would take up the entire duration of your stay?"

"I don't know! I... guess I didn't think about it, I just came here I didn't know what was going to happen when I saw you... I don't really know what to do here."

"Guess I have to do everything myself, Shinji there is loads to do here! It's a beautiful city filled with vibrant culture and attractions."

She paused for a moment trying to think of something and then started to reel off a list of places, "Well there's... it's a huge city Shinji but there are things like the Reichstag! The Brandenburg Gate, you could visit the Gendarmenmarkt or Berlin Cathedral. There's a tonne of museums and Potsdamer Platz..."

As Asuka reeled off the list of locations to him, Shinji happened to notice that her gaze was no longer fixed on him but instead was turned ever so slightly towards something else. Curious as to what had gotten the redheads attention he too turned his head to see a stand containing a number of tourist information leaflets, he frowned and turned back around to her.

"Asuka... you're just reading those places from those leaflets over there aren't you?"

Asuka felt herself glowing red as she immediately stopped reeling off place names and turned around to face Shinji, "What of it?"

"Well... I was just wondering if you had... been to any of those places?" He asked, an accusatory tone in his voice.

"Shinji I live here, why would I go to places for tourists?"

He shrugged not really knowing how to answer that, "I don't know! I just thought that maybe you might have... some recommendations. There is so much and I don't even know where to start."

Asuka rolled her eyes at him in mock annoyance, this was the opportunity she had been hoping for.

"Oh for god's sake Shinji! Fine, seeing as you're having so much difficulty deciding I guess I'll have to do it myself. Starting tomorrow I want you to be up fresh and early because I'm going to be your official tour guide around Berlin. We'll take in all of it, the museums, the memorials, the restaurants and whatever else. That good with you?"

All Shinji could do was grin and nod enthusiastically, "I'd really like that Asuka."

XXX

It had just turned seven when Asuka finally returned to the Langley estate, she was in a much better mood than she had been when she returned earlier in the day. As she returned she was immediately greeted by the houses head made in the large hallway that marked the entrance to the estate.

"Your father has been called away to Japan on business Miss Soryu and your mother sends her apologies that she will not be returning until later tonight. I can have the cook prepare something for you if you'd desire."

Asuka shook her head, "No thank you. Tell the cook he may as well take the night off. I'll order something in instead."

"As you wish my lady."

Asuka began to make her way up the stairs but turned again towards the maid, "Oh and you may as well take the night off as well. It seems a bit pointless you all waiting on one person. Go on, go."

Asuka waved the elderly head maid away and continued up the stairs towards her bedroom. After all that had transpired today all Asuka wanted to do was take a hot long shower and follow it up with cheap junk food.

As she entered her bedroom she realized she felt rather strange. There was a warmth inside of her that she had never really felt before and as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror she could see a smile on her face, a smile of genuine happiness. It was not hard for her to figure out the reason why.

It was him, his return had done this to her. For years she had had to live with the thoughts that he had died. That she would have to live the rest of her life wondering what could have been, or with all those feelings of guilt from how she had acted back then and what she had done to him. In a way she had blamed herself for his death, believing that it could have been what she had done to him that had caused it.

Yet at the same time she could feel those familiar thoughts and fears creeping into her mind. The thoughts and fears that told her to run away and that getting attached to anyone, especially him, was a bad idea. They told her that in the end he would only betray her and leave her just like anyone else she had tried to open her heart to had done.

They told her that she didn't need anyone but herself, that she didn't need her father or her stepmother and certainly not Shinji. Everyone was expendable, all she needed was herself.

She shook those negative thoughts from her head. They weren't going to spoil her happiness tonight. She entered the ensuite bathroom and stripped off her dress and underwear. As she got into the shower and let the warm water wash over her she told those thoughts and fears to silence themselves. She was going to enjoy every moment she could of this real happiness.

XXX

Shinji entered his hotel room tightly clutching the wooden box containing the cello bow that Asuka had gotten him for his birthday. He placed it on the small side table and smiled as he gazed at it and sat himself down on the edge of the bed.

He was still in many ways in complete awe of the present she had gotten him. Those bows could be so expensive and on looking at the brand and feel of the bow he knew that this one was defnitely on the higher end. What made it even more amazing is he knew Asuka must have gotten it in between their meeting at the restaurant and her turning up at the hotel.

He almost wished that he had his cello wish him right now so he could put the bow to use. Although he thought that the other patrons in the hotel might not have appreciated that.

Shinji's day hadn't exactly gone as he had expected it to. Asuka's reaction on seeing him had been a huge shock but even more so was learning that she had thought him to be dead for four years. He could only begin to imagine how he would have reacted if that had happened the other way round.

He couldn't help but wonder why someone had told her that though. It couldn't have been a mistake on their part, they had picked her up whilst he was away from the camp, and they had even left him a note. Or did they think that because his absence he was no longer there or alive?

Shinji had explained to her what he could remember of the day he had received the note. He told her how he had returned to find the note and boxes of supplies left behind for him. He told her that barely an hour afterwards Misato had returned and found him on the beach and a few hours after that the first team from the UN arrived.

From there he explained how the UN had set up a base camp in the area for others who had returned. Eventually they were all moved to Tokyo-2. He had had no contact with anyone for a while until one day Touji, Kensuke and Hikari turned up and force him to go out with them. He also told her how over time pretty much everyone had returned, with two notable exceptions. His father and professor Fuyutsuki.

In return she had told him about some of her life back in Germany. She told him about how she had been picked up on that day and woke up in the back of a UN transport. She explained how she had been brought back to Berlin and that she lived with her stepmother and father somewhere on the outskirts of the city.

She had even said that she had wanted to get in contact with Misato or Hikari but had been unable to do so. That was the extent of it though. Asuka didn't say too much about her own life instead choosing to ask Shinji questions and listen to him as he spoke. She hadn't even told him where in Germany she lived. What she had done however was told him to be ready for the next day and given him a time when she would pick him up for their tour of Berlin.

There did seem to be one unspoken rule between the two of them though throughout their discussion. Neither of them mentioned anything about the Third Impact or the events leading up to it. Shinji wondered if they would ever talk about that subject, or if they should maybe let it go now. After all she had said she forgave him, and all he wanted was to move forward hopefully with her.

He looked around the room and suddenly heard his phone rumble. He picked up the device to see a message had arrived from his contact here in Germany.

_'How did everything go today? I trust it went well?'_

Shinji typed out a message to the contact quickly,  _'I think it went well! She was surprised to see me but we spoke for a long time and she is going to show me around Berlin starting tomorrow.'_

It took barely any time at all for the reply to come,  _'How exciting! It'll be really nice to see her happy again. Thank you Herr Ikari!'_


	5. A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

Asuka felt a knot in her stomach as the car turned the corner onto the street. Up ahead she could see the hotel Shinji was staying in. It was rare for her to feel these type of nerves, if she had ever felt anything like this before. It was a different type of nerves compared to when she used to pilot the Eva into battle against an Angel. This was like a fluttering in the pit of her stomach, it was those butterflies that people like to talk about.

In a way she wanted to berate herself for feeling this way about Shinji of all people. There was no need to be nervous about seeing him or showing him around Berlin. There was nothing to be nervous about, he was just stupid Shinji after all.

Yet she knew that wasn’t strictly true. Until yesterday she had thought he had been dead and now that had been turned upside down. In one day she realized that she finally had the opportunity to set things right with him. She might even have a chance at happiness if she didn’t screw it up.

So for now she allowed herself to be just a little bit nervous, enough at least to keep her focused on not messing anything up.

She smiled softly at the idea of seeing him today. She glanced downwards at the outfit she had chosen for herself today. It was another warm day so she had opted for a simple sleeveless dress, it was white with a dark red stripe running down the middle of it. It ran down to just above her knees and complimented the plain red jacket she was wearing but also kept unfastened.

The jacket was likely unnecessary but she rarely went out nowadays without something to cover her arms. Yesterday when she went to the hotel to visit Shinji was one of the few times she had gone out with her arm exposed. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed about it or bothered by having it. It was more that people always tended to ask questions and most of them she could answer with no issues but then they’d ask how it happened. That question was one she had no desire to answer, there were too many bad memories associated with it.

On her feet were a pair of plain black sandals, she had opted for something simple in that department anticipating that they would be doing a lot of walking today.

On the seat next to her was a small handbag which contained her purse, phone and extra quantities of make-up should a little bit of a touch up be needed. For makeup she had opted for a simple approach going for some lipstick, a little bit of work to her eyes and painting her nails.

She pulled her phone out of her bag and looked at herself through the front camera. It was unusual to see herself made up like this. Very rarely had she an occasion to do so nor had she really wanted to. She had gone to functions with her father and stepmother and had to have been dressed and made up for those but this she always hated those events preferring to just stand in a corner somewhere ignoring people her age who wanted to dance with her and sampling whatever food was on offer.

She carefully lifted her eyepatch to check the eye underneath. Not that Shinji would be seeing it but she had also made sure that eye had been done up as well.

The car slowed to a halt just as she slipped the phone back into her handbag. They were finally here, it was time to go and get him and their day would begin. She hadn’t picked out a place for them to go first, instead she was going to let Shinji decide. It wasn’t like they had many limits to where they could go, they had the driver all day.

She climbed out of the car and leaned into the window informing the driver to wait there. She let out a nervous sigh as she looked towards the hotel.

_‘Well… here we go Asuka, we’ve been in this situation before haven’t we? We mess this one up and we have no more chances. Time to show him what we can do!’_

XXX

Shinji nervously adjusted the sleeves on his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror. He wondered if maybe he should put on the suit jacket he had brought with him or if that would perhaps be a bit too much.

He walked over to the bed and grabbed it from the suitcase and put it on looking at himself in the mirror. He frowned deciding that it was probably too much for now, it wasn’t like this was a formal date with Asuka or anything. It was just her offering to show him around Berlin, a full suit could probably wait for them to go out to dinner or something.

He took off the jacket and hung it over the small seat in the room just as his phone started to ring. He glanced at it to see it was Misato.

“Hey Misato.”

_“Hello Shinji, so how did it go? Did you find her? What did she say? What was she like? How is she?”_

Misato's questions were coming too fast for Shinji to process. He chuckled and replied, "Yeah, I saw her..."

 _"And... what happened?"_  She asked.

"Well..." Shinji trailed off for a moment trying to think of exactly what to tell Misato about yesterdays events. He felt by the end of it yesterday had gone fairly well, in so much that they had at least agreed to see each other again. He decided that he would leave out the full story about the day to Misato, that could probably wait until later. There were a few things he did want to say to her though.

"Well... she was definitely surprised to see me..." He started.

_"Of course she was! It's been over four years, she was happy to see you though right?"_

Shinji smiled dryly, "Not exactly..."

_"What do you mean? Oh Shinji what happened? Is everything alright?"_

Shinji cut her off before she could get the wrong idea, "Yeah everything is fine Misato. It's just that... Asuka thought I had died four years ago. So it was a bit of a shock for her when I turned up."

_"DEAD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN DEAD?"_

Shinji had to hold the phone away from his ear lest he be deafened by Misato's shouts. When he was sure it was safe to do so he brought the phone close again and replied, "Do you remember how I told you that when we returned four years ago I came back to the camp and she wasn't there... it turned out that for some reason the people from the UN told her that I didn't make it... so..."

He trailed off and heard a sigh from the other end of the phone,  _"I see... so that explains that then..."_

Shinji wasn't sure if Misato had meant to say that but he was intrigued nontheless, "Huh, what do you mean?"

_"It's nothing Shinji, don't worry about it. It's just that when we came back and started to get settled into Tokyo-2 I made a few enquiries about Asuka and everytime I hit a dead end. It was strange but we knew that she was alive and well but every time I tried to find out more than that I'd just end up being bounced around from person to person."_

This was the first Shinji had heard about Misato's attempts to contact Asuka. He wondered for a moment why she hadn't told him about these attempts but then supposed that if they had gotten nowhere then what would have been the point?

"I had no idea..."

She sighed again,  _"Like I said Shinji don't worry about it. It's not really anything to be concerned about now. So tell me about yesterday, what happened after she realized you weren't a ghost?"_

Shinji shrugged, "We went for tea in a small café and we just spoke. It was nice Misato and today she has offered to show me around Berlin."

_"Really? That's amazing Shinji, I'm really happy for the two of you. Anyway I have to get back to work, I have an important meeting with some UN representatives coming up so just... say hello from me, and Shinji..."_

"Yes Misato?"

_"I really hope this works out for the two of you. If any two people in the world deserve happiness then it's you and Asuka."_

Shinji smiled, "Thank you Misato, goodbye."

_"Bye Shinji!"_

The end of the call was signified by a soft beep and the line went dead. Shinji slipped the phone into his pocket and looked around the room once again to see if he might have forgotten anything. He grabbed the keycard from the side table and put it into his wallet as he thought about what Misato had just told him.

She had tried to make contact with Asuka over the past four years but had not managed to do so. Shinji couldn’t help but feel that it wasn't a coincidence that Asuka had been told that he had died and that Misato couldn't get in contact with her. Still, that sort of thing wasn't worth thinking about right now.

He did a final check of the room to ensure he had everything he needed before slipping out of the room to meet up with Asuka.

XXX

Asuka entered the lobby to the hotel just at the same time as Shinji finished climbing down the set of steps into the lobby. She smiled across at him as the two of them caught each others gaze. She made a note of how he was dressed today, smart black trousers and a pale blue long sleeved shirt. She could spot a pair of sunglasses nestled in the shirt pocket. She had to admit that he looked cute, he had aged well over the last four years.

From the look on his face as she approached she could see that he was likely to be thinking the same thing. His mouth was ever so slightly open as his eyes looked her body up and down. It was just the effect she wanted to have on him.

As she approached she wondered how she should greet him. This wasn't exactly a date, it was her showing him around Berlin but they were friends. She wondered if she should hug him or if that'd be too strong. A handshake would be too formal and a kiss on the cheek would be far too strong.

"H-Hey Asuka..."

"Well well well Third Child, nice to see you made an effort to look presentable. After all you're not just getting any tour guide today, you're getting me the best tour guide in Berlin."

"Um... Asuka, you said yesterday you hadn’t been to any of these places."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "You know if you'd prefer to walk I can always arrange that."

He held up his hands in protest, "No no that's fine. So where are we going first?"

"I thought I'd let you decide there is the Museum für Naturkunde which has a lot of dinosaur stuff in there, I've heard that's really good. There's the Berlin Wall memorial we can go to, or we can go to one of the many markets here."

Shinji thought about it for a moment before coming to a descision, "The museum... if that's alright?"

Asuka nodded, "I gave you the choice didn't I? Of course that's alright! Come on I'll go and tell the driver."

"Wait... driver?"

Asuka beckoned him out of the hotel, "Yes driver, now come on."

Shinji followed Asuka out of the hotel into the sun lit streets. They rounded a corner and parked up before him was a black limousine. He watched on in awe as Asuka casually leaned in to the driver, said something to him in German and then turned and smiled at Shinji.

"Okay, everything is sorted, shall we go then?"

"W-Wait... in this?"

Asuka nodded, "I don't see any other cars about, do you?"

"B-But this is..."

She grinned, "A limousine, yes I'm aware. It belongs to my father and the driver is called Hans he doesn't speak Japanese but he's worked for my family for ten years and knows these streets like the back of his hand! Now stop standing there like an idiot and get in!"

XXX

Shinji stared up at the giant skeleton of the Giraffatitan. He had never seen a dinosaurs skeleton this close before. He looked at the various statistics on the small display, his German wasn't great but he could make out the meaning for most of them. The beast could grow up to twenty two metres in length with an estimated weight of up to thirty nine tonnes.

Despite the fact that he had been in control of and also fought against some of the largest creatures on the Earth the fact that these dinosaurs once existed struck Shinji with awe. It was surreal to believe that once so very long ago these creatures of varying shape and size roamed the Earth.

Across from him he could see Asuka holding up her phone and stepping backwards attempting to photograph the creature. She finished up and made her way around to him. There had been an unspoken rule between the two of them to not mention the Eva's but as he looked at the creature he did find himself wondering a few things.

From the events of those days Shinji now knew how life on Earth had evolved from a being known as Lillith and the Angels had come from another being called Adam. He wondered then where the dinosaurs fit into all of this.

He kept his voice hushed as he asked, "Asuka... you know about what Lilith and Adam were right?"

Asuka glared at him for a brief moment but then nodded. She didn't really want to be reminded of anything from those times but it was a fair question, "Yes I know, we came from Lillith and Angels from Adam. Why are you asking that?"

Shinji shrugged, "I was... just wondering where the dinosaurs fit into it all. Did they come from Lilith as well or..."

Asuka let out a laugh, it certainly wasn't what she had expected Shinji to ask, "How should I know? It's not like I've seen the files for it. I'd probably guess not, it's not like the dinosaurs had any resemblance to Lilith like we do besides other animals didn't come from Lilith either. It was just us, we emerged and joined every other thing that was evolving around that time and became us. Why are you asking that anyway?"

"I don't know, I guess just seeing them up close made me think about it. I've never really thought about it before, I don't know how much influence Lilith or Adam had on this world, I mean Lilith came here by accident so we weren't even supposed to be here were we?."

"Are you stupid? Of course we're supposed to be here. We're supposed to be here because we are here and continue to want to be here and it doesn't matter about which of the two came here first. We are the ones who had the will to keep on going or whatever, even when others tried to think we couldn't."

Shinji thought about it for a moment. Asuka was right of course and Misato had told him something similar in the past. It was just after the incident with Kaworu, she had told him that Shinji was here because he, unlike Kaworu had the will to go on. Shinji never really understood what she meant by that at the time. Yet when he looked back on it she was right, he did have the will to go on, unlike Kaworu who had sacrificed himself without even trying to find an alternative.

Shinji had never truly wanted to die at that point, despite how low he had felt he wanted to go on. That was why he had eventually made the decision to restore everyone and come back. Finally he nodded and smiled at Asuka, "Yeah... you're right."

"Of course I'm right. Come on anyway, lets stop staring at the big dinosaur. There are a lot of things here and I want to cover most of it this morning. Oh and Shinji..."

He turned around to face her just as he did she held her phone up and took a picture of him.

"Hey!"

Asuka looked at the photo, he looked cute standing there casually leaning on the information board.

"Perfect, an Idiotosaurus in its natural habitat!" She joked.

Shinji merely frowned in response and she leaned in to him holding the front of her phone up, "Don't forget to smile Shinji, I don't want you ruining pictures with me in. Just think about how privileged you are to be in this."

The two of them smiled towards the camera just as Asuka put her arm around him. She raised the phone into the air a little bit and adjusted the angle before taking the photo.

XXX

It was a solemn atmosphere as Shinji and Asuka looked across at the wall, its layers of graffiti and various plaques and dedications at various points. It was certainly a different atmosphere to what they had experienced in the museum. Neither of them were smiling or willing to take photos, around them were families with their heads bowed in respect or contemplation as they looked at the remnants of the wall that once separated the country into two entities.

Shinji didn't know too much about the Berlin Wall. They had been given brief glimpses into European History throughout his education but not too much. He had of course heard of it and knew a little of the importance of it. Beyond that he didn't know too much else.

He turned his head slightly and saw Asuka appear to be deep in thought as she was reading a plaque detailing the initial building of the wall.

It was at that moment that Shinji heard a giggling from behind the two of them. He turned curiously to see a family was looking forward both himself and Asuka. They looked to be pointing at the two of them but immediately stopped when they saw Asuka raise her head and shoot them a glare.

"Idiot tourists, just ignore them."

"Why were they laughing?" Shinji inquired.

"They're idiots, what else do you need? Even in 2020 people still find an excuse to be racist or bullies." Asuka said, a bitterness in her voice.

"H-Have you?"

Asuka glanced upwards, "Okay, because you're you I'll tell you this. Yes I was bullied when I was younger. Half Japanese growing up in Germany and bright red hair like this how could I have not been? Fortunately being an Eva pilot meant I didn't have to worry about school too much and of course I pushed myself to be better than everyone so I ended up getting privately educated for my degree."

"Y-You were bullied?" Shinji asked with some surprise in his voice. It was hard to him to believe that someone like Asuka could ever have been bullied in her life especially considering how she used to act at times in Tokyo-3.

"Like I said, I was half Japanese growing up here, it was a given. Don't worry about it, not the worst thing to happen in my life is it?" She shot back smiling sarcastically.

"I guess not..."

"And yes I am aware of how I acted in school back in Tokyo-3..."

"I wasn't thinking..."

"Liar..."

"Okay I guess I was, I wouldn't have said you were a bully though."

"I wasn't exactly nice though was I?"

"B-But you had a reason... those people don't..."

Asuka sighed, "You're kinda sweet, an idiot but still kinda sweet. I've thought a lot about how I acted over the past four years Shinji. I know what I was and yeah I had a reason but that doesn't justify it. Anyway, let's just drop this now. Let those fools make their jokes about Godzilla or taking photographs. They wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for us."

Shinji looked up at the fragment of wall again and nodded, "You know... I've never really thought about that before."

"About what, being sweet an idiot or Godzilla."

Shinji laughed, "I've thought about being an idiot plenty of times and I can't say I've thought about Godzilla either. I've never seen it and I think I've had enough of giant monsters in my life. No, I've just never thought about the fact that if it wasn't for us people wouldn't be here anymore..."

"Seriously? You've never thought about it?"

Shinji shook his head, "Not really... I always think of the fact that I was probably five seconds away from ending the world. I always think about what happened when I was given the choice and I was about to end it..."

Shinji could feel himself getting slightly choked up. Asuka gave him a sympathetic glance and gently placed her hand on his back rubbing it softly."

"I... never thought that we helped save it..."

Asuka frowned, "Misato and the others must have told you though?"

Shinji nodded and wiped away the tear forming in his eye, he smiled, "Yeah they have but... when you said it just now it made it feel more real somehow."

XXX

Shinji sipped from the glass of wine as he looked out across the railing from their position on the platform. The sun was finally starting to set and it gaze the sky a pretty orange glow. A gentle breeze blew around him providing a nice edge to heat of the evening.

After their visit to the Berlin Wall memorial they had agreed to meet up again later at this place for dinner. Shinji had changed his shirt and added his suit jacket to his attire for the evening. Asuka had changed into a dark green evening dress. They stood next to one another looking over the railing at the still waters of the river.

Shinji could feel a very slight buzz run throughout his head and body as the alcohol was starting to have some effect on him. He had only had a glass and a half of the wine but he knew his alcohol tolerance was fairly low. He was not used to drinking any sort of alcohol, having only tried it on a small number of occasions. Shinji had seen enough of Misato when she was drunk and the hangovers that followed to realize that he didn't really fancy being in that state himself.

Still this was pleasant. He was stood peacefully next to the girl he liked, the girl he was sure he loved and they were both looking out sharing a comfortable silence together. There was no pressure for any of them to say anything at all. They could just stand and enjoy each other’s company. For Shinji it felt like all of that argument and pain he felt yesterday was a million years ago.

Still smiling he turned to face her, “It’s really nice here Asuka. I like it a lot.”

Asuka smirked, “It isn’t too bad I suppose. I’ve not really seen too much of it before today myself.”

“I’ve really enjoyed today too, thank you.”

“I’m just doing my duty as a good tour guide, we’ve got more tomorrow of course. War memorials and the market. Maybe we can find you some good German beer to take back to Misato.”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.”

Asuka turned to face Shinji and set her wine glass down upon the small table situated next to them. She glanced up only now realizing that he had grown a little bit since they last seen one another four years ago. It wasn’t by much but Shinji was now taller than she was.

She thought about how she had been waiting for a moment like this for four years. For a moment she could share with Shinji. A moment that was far away from the world of Eva and Angels that had once consumed her. A moment where they could just be themselves.

Shinji had only been here for a day but Asuka was already beginning to realize exactly what she had realized so many years ago. She needed Shinji. She had liked and needed him ever since he had dived into that volcano and saved her life. She had liked him from that moment and she was realizing just how lucky she was to have him nearby again.

“Asuka I…”

In a swift motion she pressed her finger up against his lips and whispered to him, “Don’t say anything Shinji.”

She slowly took her finger away from his lips and leaned herself in closer towards him. By instinct alone he did exactly the same thing and that small distance closed between them. She felt his soft lips press themselves against hers and their mouths parted ever so slightly as the two enjoyed the warmth of the kiss.

Asuka felt a glow throughout her body as she felt his hand guide itself onto her side. Shinji was actually holding her, it was all so perfect. It was just what she had wanted.

Another moment passed by and soon that glow in her body was replaced by a knot in her stomach. There was something wrong, she was starting to panic.

_‘No… No I can’t… I can’t do this…’_

Suddenly images of their past began to rush through her head. In focus was the time she had taunted him into kissing her so many years ago. It was the time she had blocked his nose and she had nearly suffocated him. The time he had made no motion to hold her. The time she had ran away and tried to blame him for her being upset.

Shinji’s other hand made its way around her waist as he held her even closer. Neither of them broke the kiss but it was getting harder to Asuka as she continued to wage this war inside of her head.

_‘No… don’t make me remember this…’_

No matter what she tried to do to force it out it continued to run circles through her mind. Now joining it were other images, scenes of her calling Shinji an idiot. Scenes of her yelling at him for not being manly enough or for simply forgetting to do something. A scene of her calling him a pervert. As each scene rushed by it was accompanied by a singular thought.

_‘I don’t deserve this…’_

Finally it became far too much for her to take anymore. The kiss had been a mistake. She was not prepared for it. She had rushed herself into it and her reward was all the negative emotions from the past coming back to the surface.

She felt her hands rush up to his stomach and she gave him a shove as the kiss was finally broken. She took a step backwards and opened her eyes again only to catch a glimpse of the despair on his face. Asuka’s heart sank as she come to realize just how hurt he probably was.

She didn’t and couldn’t stop to explain it though. All Asuka was able to do was comply with the one command that was running through her head over and over again.

_‘Get away from him, you’ll only hurt him and yourself. You don’t deserve it. Run!’_

“Asuka… what…” Her stomach twisted as she heard his voice. It was barely above a whisper and he was seemingly on the verge of tears.

In response she shook her head violently, “Shinji… just… no… I can’t… I’m so sorry…”

Asuka was sure he had made an attempt to reach out towards her and say something else but anything he could try was futile. By the time he even made his attempt she had already turned away from him and was running as fast as she could from him.


	6. Execution Day

Shinji was not sure whether or not the pounding that he could hear was in his head or on the door to his room. All he did know was that he wanted it to stop immediately. He rolled over on the bed and glanced down at himself. The bed covers were not over him, his shirt was off but his trousers were still on and he had one shoe and half a sock on.

It was strange but he couldn’t remember coming back to his room. He was struggling to remember what had happened at all. He had been having a good day with Asuka and then they had been stood at the side of the river. They had been out to dinner and were sharing a bottle of wine overlooking it all. She had leaned in to kiss him and they had kissed.

He was starting to remember it now, the look in her eyes as she had pulled away from him and shoved him back. He could remember exactly how he had felt as she turned and ran away from him.

There was another sound of pounding and this time he was sure it was someone at the door. He carefully stood up and immediately sat himself back down. The room was spinning, like someone had placed him some kind of fairground ride and left him on it overnight. His stomach churned as he took a deep breath and stood up.

He very carefully made his way to the door as the mystery person knocked on it once again. Along the way he kept his hands up against the wall to steady himself. Finally he was able to make it to the door and open it. On the other side was an incredibly furious looking Asuka.

She wasted no time in barging into the room and yelling, “IDIOT! Do you realize what you have done?”

Shinji cringed at how loud her voice was as he followed her into the main room. He sat himself down on the bed and avoided any eye contact with her, “No…”

Shinji was telling the truth. He didn't realize what he had done. He couldn't remember a single thing after being at the riverside with Asuka aside from making a decision that he would go out and get stupidly drunk. He could remember all of that quite clearly but what had happened to him after he made that decision was a complete mystery.

As he looked up from his position on the bed, he could see Asuka glaring down at him. He realized that at this exactly moment in time she as the very last person he ever wanted to see.

"I've just spent the best part of the last hour and a half on the phone to a number of very angry people. An angry pub owner, an angry taxi driver and the receptionist that was working late last night. All of them about you!"

Shinji might have felt shame at those words but all he could do was shoot back sarcastically, “Really?”

It was strange but he felt exactly the same way as he had done when Misato had scolded him many years ago after he had gone against her orders. He just didn't really care what Asuka or anyone else had to say.

Asuka continued to berate him, "So apparently you went out to a pub and the bartender could see you had had a bit too much. You decided to get aggressive and disagree so you were asked to leave but not before throwing up all over the bouncer..."

Shinji felt his eyes open in shock as she continued, "They then stuffed you into a taxi and guess what? You threw up in that as well! Oh and they're also going to have to replace one of the plants in the reception because of you!"

Shinji couldn't help but let out a laugh at the last bit, as he looked up he noticed that Asuka certainly wasn't laughing.

"It isn't funny! On top of all this who did you tell them would deal with it? Me! Just what the fuck were you thinking Third Child!"

Shinji quickly averted his eyes from her. She was genuinely angry with him and on one hand he felt like he deserved it. At the same time he couldn't help but care very little for her anger. It was her fault he had decided to go and get drunk anyway and even after all of that he was still suffering for it.

"I don't... I don't remember..." He replied weakly.

"No, of course you don't remember and that's because you're an idiot! You're an idiot who now has been fined for two hundred Euro's for cleaning fees and being a public manace."

Shinji reached for his wallet, "I-I'll pay for it..."

"No you won't pay for it. I've already taken care of it, I've also made sure to apologize profusely for you and ensure it won't happen again. You are however going to put a goddamn shirt on and explain yourself!"

Asuka might have at one point found the idea of seeing Shinji shirtless attractive but in the state he was in right now it was far from that. He looked broken and somewhere inside she knew that she was partially to blame for that. She just hadn't expected him to have reacted like this.

She picked up a discarded shirt from the floor and threw it at him and watched as he slowly put it on and buttoned it up. He sank his head into his hands and sighed.

"So explain, just what were you thinking?"

“I don’t know…” came the reply.

“You don’t know?”

“WELL I DON’T!” He looked up and shouted at her but instantly regretted it as his stomach churned in response to his yelling.

Asuka backed away every so slightly in reaction to the yelling. She could see he had gone ever so slightly paler in the minimal light of the room. She let her anger drop, "You could have been hurt you idiot..."

All this earned her was a glare from him, "Hurt? Let you even care about me being hurt! I wouldn't have... this is all your fault!"

"M-My fault?" She stammered. It was the response she had feared but she just hadn't expected Shinji to actually say it. She still felt a need to defend herself, "I didn't force you to get pissed and then thro-"

"JUST SHUT UP!" He yelled again and she stopped talking instantly.

"Y-You...." Shinji looked up at her and his breathing turned ragged as he strugged to think of what to say. His head was spinning and his stomach was churning but he finally managed to get his words out.

"Y-You betrayed me Asuka... I thought... I thought you cared about me and I thought we were having a nice day but then you... it was just like it was before... you did that and..."

Asuka lowered her eyes in shame and listened to him continue.

"So that's why I decided to go and get drunk. Not that I can even fucking remember any of it and not that it matters anyway because now I not only feel the pain from what you did but I feel ten times worse from this stupid fucking hangover..."

He paused for a moment to wipe a tear from his eye, "It doesn't even matter if I had been hurt because nothing... nothing could hurt as much as what you did to me!"

Asuka could only watch as he brought a hand up to his face and sobbed into it. Any anger she had been feeling beforehand was now completely gone. She didn't realize that what she had done last night would have hurt him so much.

She had been unable to stop thinking about what she had done to him though. Even without the phonecalls she was going to come here today and apologize and explain to him what had happened. She was going to be honest with him.

She had been on the verge of tears all night and all morning thinking about it. All up until the moment she had gotten the phone call about how he had made a fool of himself whilst drunk. After that she had been driven by pure anger, not just at how stupid he had been but also at herself for not realizing the effect she might have had on him.

Asuka kneeled down in front of him and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Shinji I... I didn't mean to hurt you last night..."

"You never do mean to hurt me, you never mean to hurt anyone do you? Yet you..."

She interupted him before he could finish his sentence fearing the truth in his words, "Shinji please! I know... I know what I did was really wrong but I was scared. I was scared that you'd just hurt me or that I'd end up hurting you so I had to run... I just.... I couldn't face my feelings at that time..."

"Asuka just... please just..."

Shinji stopped speaking very suddenly and swallowed. He could feel something was very wrong. He looked down at Asuka, he one visible eye was wet with a tear trailing down her cheek.

"Shinji..."

Shinji opened his mouth to speak but closed it very quickly. Asuka quickly realized what was happening and dodged out of the way with cat-like reflexes and Shinji darted up from the bed and ran into the small bathroom holding his stomach as he ran. She grimaced as she heard the noises from him as the effects of last night made themselves known.

She sat down next to the bed and rested her head up against the mattress holding onto the cover that had been tossed aside. The cover smelled like a mixture of Shinji and the aftershave he had been wearing last night. She pulled at it until she had more of it and gently snuggled into it.

Shinji had actually yelled at her and she knew that she had deserved every bit of it. What she had done last night had been completely unforgiveable. It had been her who had initiated the kiss and at no point had Shinji done anything wrong. He had been perfect, he had kissed her back as she wanted him to and he had held her like she wanted him to. He had been everything she wanted him to be.

Yet when she kissed him she had felt all of those horrific thoughts and fears creep back into her mind. There were all those memories of what she had done to him four years ago and all those memories of what he had done to her. There were those familiar fears that he would abandon her and leave her all alone if she dared to open her heart to him. However good it felt to be with him there was just one voice in her head telling her that she had to run away.

It had been her hope that Shinji wouldn't react too badly to it, that maybe he'd even understand. After all he was the same as her wasn't he? He would return to the hotel room, he'd be hurt and maybe cry about it but she could visit him and apologize.

What she hadn't expected was for him to go out and get drunk. She hadn't expected that she would have to pay out so much money in fines and cleaning costs and deal with angry people whose assets Shinji had ruined.

At the same time she felt that she had gotten off very lightly. Those costs were next to nothing compared to how guilty she felt for what she had done to Shinji. Those costs were also next to nothing compared to how Shinji must be feeling right now based on what she could hear from the bathroom.

Slowly she stood up and made her way over to the open door just as she heard the toilet flush. She approached the doorway just in time to see Shinji stagger over to the sink and turn it on to wash his face.

"Are you alright?"

"No." He replied bluntly.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked him.

Shinji considered for a moment telling her to leave but he knew he would just regret it later. He didn't want to argue with Asuka and a small part of him did understand why she had done what she did last night. He didn't know whether or not it should be justified but he was willing to forgive it if she was genuinely sorry. After all she had forgiven him for what he had done and that was far worse and it wasn't as if he hadn't done similar things in the past.

Eventually he shook his head weakly and made his way back into the main room, "No, not really."

Asuka stood in the entrance to the bathroom with her hands on her hips, "Well there must be something? I can get you something to eat?"

"No!" He almost yelled, "Definitely not food... please, anything but that right now."

Shinji buttoned up his shirt and proceeded to lie down on the top of the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. His stomach felt better now and the room had stopped spinning but his head was still hurting. He sat up and saw Asuka was still looking at him expectantly.

"Um... Asuka..."

"Well? What do you need?"

"I-I don't know..." Shinji stammered, he wasn't used to being asked what he needed, "Some... water please?"

Asuka smiled and nodded, "Fine, water coming right up."

She made her way over to the hotel fridge and pulled out one of the bottles of water. She almost cringed when she saw the cost of it on the small label but she would cover that cost as well. She handed the bottom over to Shinji who wasted no time in taking a few sips from it.

He placed the bottle on the small side table and smiled, "Thank you... hey... what are you..."

He trailed off as Asuka climbed onto the bed and moved herself beside him. She draped an arm over him and snuggled her head into his shoulder.

"I am sorry for last night Shinji... I just, I don't think I was really ready and I pushed myself... it wasn't you... you did nothing wrong..."

Shinji responded by bringing his arm up and putting it around her, rubbing her shoulder gently he sighed, "It's alright, I understand... I'm not exactly... well normal about connecting with people either."

Asuka reached up and ran her hand through his hair as she continued to snuggle her head into his shoulder. She was still somewhat amazed at how good his hair felt to her prosthetic hand. It was so soft and light. Of all the new things she had felt with that hand his hair was probably her favourite.

"I... Shinji..."

"Yeah..."

"Would you like to... well I know this morning is probably not going to happen but I don't think visiting a war memorial is too exciting anyway but do you still want to go to the market this afternoon?"

Shinji nodded, "Yeah that'd be nice."

"Also... do you want to have dinner at my place tonight? My father is away on business in Japan right now, so it’s only me and my stepmother. It'll give the cooks something new to do."

Shinji looked down at her, "I'd like th- Wait a minute, you have cooks?"

Asuka laughed, "Oh yeah! I didn't mention that did I?"

Asuka sat up, "Did you bring another suit?"

Shinji shook his head, "No, why?"

"We'll get you a new one this afternoon, can't have you coming to my place in that dishevelled thing..."

"What's wrong with this one?" Shinji asked defensively.

"Nothing, until you decided to get drunk and sleep in it. Yeah, we'll get you something new this afternoon."

"Okay but... I'll pay for it, you've done enough for me already Asuka."

"I'd expect nothing less, you're also going to pay for lunch as well."

"Of course." He nodded.

"Good, then it's settled."

Asuka smiled as she placed herself back down next to him holding him just a little bit tighter this time. Shinji slowly brought his hand up and ran it through her hair. As he did she responded by rubbing herself against him more. He ran his hands through her hair again and heard a curious noise from her.

“Asuka… did you just purr?”

Instantly she looked up at him, her cheeks had turned red, “No! Why would I do that? I’m not a cat!”

She immediately threw herself back down onto his should which drew a laugh from him, “You did didn’t you…”

“No… shut up.”

“You know you’re kinda like a cat.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Well it’s just that…” Shinji thought of the best way to phrase this without offending Asuka, he felt that one wrong word could tip this against him.

“I’m waiting for an explanation Third Child, this better be good.” She said impatiently.

“It’s just that… when you don’t want anyone to bother you you’ll let them know and you value your independence… and you’re standoffish to new people…”

“Right…” Asuka wasn’t sure whether or not to be insulted by his words. She certainly wasn’t appreciating the comparison so far.

“But you can be affectionate and kind too but only when you feel you trust the person I guess… Does that make sense?”

Asuka sighed before smiling, “It’s probably profound to someone somewhere…”

XXX

Shinji couldn’t help but open his mouth in shock as the car pulled into the long driveway towards Asuka’s house. He had a suspicion that her family was somewhat wealthy from the limousine that had picked them up yesterday but he had had no idea that they would have lived in a place like this. It was at least three stories high and he had no idea how many rooms it must have had within.

The car came to a stop and the driver exited it to let Shinji out. Rather embarrassed at being waited on like this Shinji politely bowed his head and thanked him.

Immediately there to meet him was another smartly dressed man, he spoke to Shinji in perfect Japanese, “Mr Ikari, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Ms Soryu has requested you be shown straight up to her room on your arrival. Please follow me.”

Shinji again politely bowed, “Um… thank you.”

Shinji followed the man into a spacious rectangular entranceway. In the centre of the entranceway was a grand staircase leading up to the second floor and third floors. On the right hand wall was a large set of double doors that were currently closed, on the left hand wall was a single door. Behind the staircase on either side there were also a pair of single doors.

At regular intervals along the wall were decorations, little tables or stands with ornaments on them and hanging on the walls were various paintings. Mostly landscapes, he actually recognized one of them as being a landscape painting of the view from Lake Ashi from where Tokyo-3 once stood.

Shinji quietly followed the man up the set of stairs up to the second floor. He followed him into a large corridor, along which were a number of windows, he gazed out over the immense front lawn of the estate. From here he could see the circular driveway and large trees lining either side of it. Finally they stopped at a door, the person who Shinji assumed to be the butler knocked twice and waited.

“Come in!” came Asuka’s muffled response from the other side.

The door was opened for Shinji and he was waved inside. Once more Shinji thanked the man and stepped into Asuka’s room. The room was probably bigger than the apartment he and Misato shared back in Tokyo-2.

“Hey Shinji, glad you can make it.”

She grinned as she watched him enter her room and look around, his mouth open in awe. She had been a little bit worried about how he might react to seeing where she lived. In truth it was a little bit embarrassing for her to show him her home. She valued her independence and doing things herself, when people knew about where she lived it always gave the impression she had everything handed to her.

She did however feel that the little bit of embarrassment she had to endure was worth it just for the look on Shinji's face as he entered her room. She finally rose from her computer seat, took off her headphones and made her way over to him.

"A-Asuka... this is..."

"A little bit different to Tokyo-3 isn't it?"

Shinji nodded in agreement, "I guess I can understand why you thought Japanese rooms were small now..."

This only brought a laugh out of Asuka, "Shinji, Japanese rooms are small. I haven't always lived in this place you know. Remember that for a good portion of the year before I moved to Tokyo-3 I actually lived in a place with Kaji and before that Misato."

Shinji smiled, "I didn't know that, but I didn't know you... well you never said."

"I didn't want to tell you or anyone really and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone when you return. Misato knows but... well it's just if they know I live somewhere like this they'll think of me differently."

"I don't think they will Asuka... they won't care about something like this."

"All the same I'd rather you didn't tell them."

"I won't, don't worry. So why did you want me to come straight up here anyway? Aren't we going to meet your stepmother?"

"That can wait, don't worry. Besides I wanted to make sure you were presentable to start off with."

She looked Shinji up and down for a moment and then placed her hands on his shoulders turning him around. She looked him up and down again and for a moment lost herself as she paid special attention to his backside. Finally she spun him around again to face her.

"D-Do I get your approval?" Shinji asked.

She shrugged, "Could be better... you cut yourself shaving again and your tie is a little bit crooked. Maybe a seven or a seven and a half out of ten."

Shinji quickly adjusted his tie and reached up to feel where he had cut himself. He knew he shouldn't have shaved again this quickly but there was just a small amount starting to show and he couldn't stand the sight of it.

"Anyway I also had something to show you, come and take a look at this."

Shinji started to follow Asuka over towards the computer she had set up. It was an immense workspace, a large desk with three monitors set up on it, a tower settled underneath the desk, a pair of what looked to be very expensive headphones sat on the desk and a gaming mouse and keyboard. To the side of the computer was a bookcase containing within it an impressive number of books on subjects such as 3D Modelling and programming.

As he wandered over he also took the time to look around the room. He was sure that it really was the size of their apartment back in Japan. Asuka had pretty much everything she could need in one room save for a kitchen and he was sure there was probably room for that too.

There was a neatly made double bed in one section of the room and around it a set of drawers and wardrobes. Near to that was a sofa with a big screen television set up opposite it and a number of games consoles nearby. The aforementioned computer sat in another section of the room. Opposite the bed was a doorway which led into her own bathroom and on the far end was another doorway which led out onto a small balcony that overlooked the estates vast back garden.

Back at the desk Asuka sat back down and quickly opened a folder on the machine, she clicked on one of files and an image popped up on screen.

"Do you remember how the other day I told you that I was Studio Longinus? Well I thought you might be interested to see..."

As she turned around to show him what was on screen all she could do was frown. Shinji was not standing beside her, he had instead wandered over towards a small childlike seat near by and now had in his hand the giant stuffed rabbit that had been seated there.

It was a strangely adorable sight, the image of Shinji Ikari holding a giant stuffed rabbit. It was just not one she wanted to see when she was trying to have a serious conversation with him.

"Shinji... can you please put Mr. Snuggles down?"

Startled by her call he looked across at Asuka somewhat sheepishly, "Um... yeah... sorry... hold on, Mr. Snuggles?"

Asuka replied flatly, "What? Never had a stuffed toy in your life before?"

Shinji shook his head and clutched the toy closer to his chest, "Not really..."

There was a sadness in his tone that couldn't help but make Asuka feel sorry for him. She had rejected cuddly toys and childlike things by choice as she grew up, Mr. Snuggles the rabbit was the only thing she really had from her misplaced childhood. It was one of the last ties she had to her mother. Shinji however didn't seem to have had that choice.

"Well just... just be careful with him alright? Anyway come over here, I wanted to show you the original character designs for the game. This was going to be the character but I decided to change it just in case someone... well you know, recognized it..."

Still clutching the stuffed rabbit Shinji leaned down to get a closer look at the screen. As he saw the character in full he felt a strange tugging at his heard. Asuka had recreated someone Shinji had never expected to see in full detail, the eye colour, the expression and the hair.

"A-Asuka... this is Rei!" He exclaimed.

Asuka just nodded, "I know..."

"But, I thought you hated Rei."

"You're an idiot, I thought you knew me a little bit better than that by now. Shinji, I never hated Rei. It was just... I just hated what she was or seemed to be. You know just following orders and never questioning anything, not really being her own person and just... well a doll I suppose. I just never understood why that asshole gave her special treatment and ignored the rest of us..."

She immediately saw Shinji wince at the slightest mention of his father, "Sorry... I didn't mean to bring him up..."

Shinji just shook his head in response and clutched the rabbit a little bit tighter, "No it's fine... he was an asshole."

This just caused her to laugh, "I never hated her though but I just never tried to understand her. I thought she was just a doll blankly following orders. I didn't know the truth of what she really was, hell I still don't know the truth now. All I do know is that her betraying him led to you or us being able to save this world."

Shinji wandered over to the chair and seated the stuffed rabbit back down. He then walked back across to Asuka and placed a hand on her shoulder as they both looked at the image of Rei on the screen. He had not spoken to anyone about Rei since Third Impact. Misato had tried to engage him on the subject once or twice but he had shut it down quite quickly. The others just never spoke to him about it.

He wondered how, or even if, he could tell Asuka exactly what Rei was. He didn't fully understand her himself.

"Rei was... she was special. I don't really understand what she was myself. I think those secrets died with my father and Fuyutsuki. Dr Akagi probably knows something but..."

Shinji trailed off for a moment remembering what had happened with Akagi and the dummy plug system four years ago, "… I don't think talking to her about Rei is a good idea."

Asuka wasn't quite sure how to react to that. She had always wondered about the relationship between Shinji and Rei. She had always harboured some resentment for Rei for that relationship. Did Shinji love Rei?

"Special, in what way?"

Shinji shrugged, "I... I don't know."

Somewhat annoyed by his deflection she barked back, "Are you stupid, you must know why she was special?"

"I just... my connection with Rei it isn't the same as with you alright. Rei was... she was a connection with my mother in some ways. I don't know whether or not you'd call her my sister or what because of what she really was but she... she deserved to be happy too and I think she'd really appreciate what you did for her."

Asuka looked up at him and started trying to process everything he had just said. She was just a little bit speechless and unsure of where to start with it. He had said she was a connection to his mother and not sure if Rei would be called his sister. His answers had only led to her having more questions.

Thankfully a knock at the door interrupted their conversation.

"Come in!" She called out towards the door.

The door slowly opened to reveal the butler who has escorted Shinji into the estate and up to Asuka's room earlier.

"Dinner will be served shortly, your mother has requested your presence downstairs."

Asuka nodded, "We'll be on our way, thank you."


	7. Left In The Dark

There was a polite round of applause from the room as Misato stood firm on the podium, bowed politely and then made her way off of the stage. She let out a sigh of relief as she stepped into the cooler corridor.

As she stepped into the hallway she was immediately greeted by a familiar face.

“Maya! How nice to see you.”

Maya Ibuki smiled and nodded, “You too Misato, I thought you might like to have seen a friendly face when you stepped off the stage.”

“It’s much appreciated, thank you. How do you think it went anyway?”

“I’d say it went well, with any luck we’ll get the full funding and support we need sooner rather than later but I’m not very good at judging politics.”

“I think I fell down a bit on the science side of things, I’d have been a lot more comfortable with Ritsuko backing me up. Is she still not interested in joining us at WILLE?”

Maya shook her head, “Not at all, she’s happy teaching. She has no desire to get involved at all, she does send you luck though and hopes everything goes well.”

“That’s fair I suppose, she’s earned the right to do what she wants to. Just seems weird that Ritsuko Akagi, one of the best scientific minds of our time now teaches at Junior High.”

“I agree, but she is happy and if she is happy I’m not going to persuade her otherwise. Besides I don’t know how I’d feel about working with her again after all that’s happened.”

“Ah yes of course, lovers in the workplace can always be delicate. Probably for the best, I wouldn’t want to catch you and her at it in your office or anything after all.” Misato teased.

This only drew a blush from Maya, “We’d be very professional!”

“Of course you would, so when are we all going to get together again anyway?”

“Ritsuko said soon, it’s been a while since we’ve seen yourself and Shinji. Where is he anyway? I thought he would have been here today to support you.”

Misato shrugged, “Normally he would have been but Shinji decided to take an impromptu trip to Germany.”

Maya opened her mouth in shock, “Germany! You mean he’s… he isn’t…”

Misato nodded, “He is, they’ve met and… well things are going well I suppose… I just hope neither of them are hurt by it. God knows the last thing any of them need is more pain in their lives…”

“Agreed, what happened four years ago was hard on us all but especially on Shinji and Asuka. I’d hate to see any of them hurt again. Still… they have a chance right?”

“Of course they do, anyone has a chance as long as they want it.”

Misato was about to ask Maya something else but her attention was drawn to a man entering the corridor flanked by two UN security guards. Misato had a strange feeling that she had seen this man somewhere before but couldn’t quite place her finger on it.

Misato looked across, “Can I help you?”

The man and his guards stopped, he politely bowed and spoke, “Miss Katsuragi, I watched your speech just now. I apologize for not contacting you previously but I have some business I’d like to discuss with you. Allow me to introduce myself I’m William Langley, I am…”

Misato wasn’t sure if this was what the man was about to finish his sentence with these words but she couldn’t help herself from completing them in this manner, “You’re Asuka’s father!”

He nodded, “Yes I am, and I wanted to talk to you about my daughter. I presume there is somewhere more private we can go?”

“Y-Yes of course there is.”

Misato turned to Maya, “We’ll finish our conversation later Maya, say hello to Ritsuko for me alright?”

“I will, bye Misato.”

With those words Maya made her way away from the both Misato and Asuka’s father She was followed shortly afterwards by the guards from the UN. Misato said nothing as she led the man towards a small office that had been reserved for her in the conference centre. She took a seat behind the desk.

“I am sorry I can’t offer you anything, this office was arranged at short notice and I didn’t expect to have guests.”

Langley waved his hands as he sat down on the other side of the desk, “It isn’t a problem, I imagine this is unexpected. I had been hoping to speak to you before the speech but we were late arriving and I also felt it would perhaps be better to wait until afterwards.”

“Of course, so how can I help?”

“Well I first should say I really enjoyed listening to what you had to say out there. As you probably know I work very closely with the various redevelopment projects happening in Japan. One of the reasons I am here in Japan right now was to attend this conference and see what WILLE were doing.”

“Ah so you’ll be deciding if we get the funding we need and also permission to enter the exclusion zone then?”

“Exactly, as it is I see no reason to recommend against allowing a small team from WILLE to enter the zone and recover the MAGI Systems and any Eva technology that we can. Although you understand that whilst I am convinced it will be more difficult to convince others of this.”

Misato nodded, “I’d expect no less. The politics regarding Tokyo-3 is still dangerous ground. We are fortunate that the world is as stable as it is after the Third Impact incident but any assistance and recommendations that can be provided are always helpful.”

“The stability is an illusion, in truth many countries are clawing at the bit to get access to Tokyo-3. Many invested in Eva technology and wish to recover it. That is why we need your organization to ensure they do not get access to it.”

“Well despite being housed in Japan WILLE is an independent organization, our desire is to get access to that MAGI and Eva systems with the aim of preserving that which can be beneficial to mankind and destroying that that can be harmful. We have no desire to see this technology be weaponized, something I fear is not shared by many leaders around the world?”

“Of course not, many see Eva as the next step for warfare. With the Angel threat gone the threat in this world comes from other humans. They want a way to defend themselves and Eva is the ultimate weapon. I am not however here to discuss WILLE and its role with you.”

“Oh, then why are you here?”

“I wanted to discuss my daughter with you, you see four years ago… I think I made a big mistake and I need help in correcting that mistake.”

XXX

Shinji couldn’t help but be in awe at the size of the dining room. He had been in a constant state of awe since he had arrived on the estate. The dining room itself was made for a much larger number of people than the three it was currently seating. In the centre of it was a large table made for seating at least twelve people.

Hanging above this table was a large chandelier. Around the rest of the room were three doors. One which led out into the kitchens, another which led out into a bathroom and the other which led back out into the main entrance. Dotted around the walls again were a number of paintings, above a fireplace was a painting of Asuka and her stepmother and a man that Shinji assumed to be her father.

He, Asuka and her stepmother were seated at a small table off to the side that had been specially prepared for them. Even with this Shinji felt somewhat awkward at being somewhere like this. He had attended large functions in spaces like this back in Japan. It had been part of Misato’s work that he had had to go along to them. He never enjoyed being in those sorts of spaces. There were always too many people and too much noise. He preferred sitting at the apartment with Misato.

Of course this was a different kind of awkwardness. He continued to look around the vast space as Asuka excused herself to use the bathroom. As he looked across the table he saw that Asuka’s stepmother, who he had learned was called Yukiko was laughing.

“You look lost Shinji.”

Shinji felt himself blush, “It’s… I’ve never really been somewhere like this before… it’s really nice.”

“I’m glad you think so, and you are finding the city to your liking as well?”

Shinji nodded, “Yeah, Asuka took me to one of the markets today. I really liked it there.”

“That’s good to hear, it is a shame Asuka’s father isn’t here right now.”

“No, she said he was away on business.”

Yukiko nodded, “That’s right yes! He’s in Japan at the moment. Meeting with your guardian Misato actually.”

Shinji raised his eyebrows in surprise, “Meeting with Misato?”

“Mm hmm, well he’s actually attending her talk regarding funding for the Tokyo-3 project which I’m sure you’re aware of. That isn’t the only reason he is there though, it’s actually to discuss you. I am to assume Asuka is not yet aware of the fact that it was me that arranged your trip to Germany yet?”

Shinji shook his head, “No I haven’t told anyone about that yet.”

The woman took a sip from her glass, “Good. I don’t think the time is right to tell her just yet. I will admit though, I think tonight may be the first time I’ve seen her genuinely happy Shinji. I can’t help but thank you for that.”

Shinji blushed again, “I-I… I’m glad she is happy… I’m happy too… thank you…”

Shinji watched as the woman’s head dropped ever so slightly, there was a hint of regret as she continued to speak.

“I’m not the one you should be thanking. If anything you should probably be angry at me and Asuka’s father for not what we did. Four years ago he truly thought he was doing the right thing for Asuka. We knew how much she had been hurt and he just wanted her away from all that. It was his thinking that if she thought the others weren’t alive or contactable anymore then she would… I don’t know be happy or move on. Instead it just made things worse.”

Shinji didn’t quite know how to respond to the admission. His first instinct was that he should be angry but he couldn’t find it within himself to be. Maybe it was because of his own guilt at everything that he himself had done but he found himself not able to blame them for their actions even if they were the wrong ones to take.

He sipped from his glass, “So… me being dead, it was him that told them to say that.”

“Yes… I’m afraid it was. It was a mistake and I knew it was the moment Asuka came back and I knew it every single day since. Only I couldn’t do anything…”

“So what changed?” Shinji asked.

“Yeah I’m quite interested to hear this as well!” Came a sudden call from across the room, both Shinji and Yukiko looked up to see Asuka was standing near to the table. Yukiko stood immediately somewhat embarrassed by not realizing Asuka had returned. Shinji found himself not knowing where exactly to put his eyes.

“Asuka… How long have you been there for?”

“Long enough… so it was a lie. You both lied to me… and you both knew he was alive…”

Asuka wasn’t yelling or shouting much to Shinji’s surprise but in a way he would rather have heard that. Instead her voice was shaking, almost as if she was on the verge of tears.

“It wasn’t… he thought he was protecting you and it was a mistake… that’s why I had Shinji come here!”

“Just stop! I don’t…”

Asuka looked from Yukiko to Shinji. Shinji immediately stood up a deep look of concern across his face. She wasn’t sure if he had started to walk towards her as she felt the tears begin to fall down her face. In her haste to leave the room she couldn’t quite make out who it was that had called after her, all she knew as she threw open the front door of the mansion and ran outside was that she had to get out of there.

For year years she had believe Shinji was dead. It could have been a mistake made by the doctor at the time. So much had happened, Shinji wasn’t there so it could have been an honest mistake. Only it wasn’t a mistake, it was a lie put in place by her father.

She sank to her knees on the grass and froze her fist down into the muddy ground.

“I HATE HIM, I HATE HER! I HATE EVERYONE!”

XXX

Misato wasn’t sure what to do with the information she had just learned from Asuka’s father. A part of her wanted to get up on her feet and slap him and yell at him for what he had done but she knew that would achieve nothing instead she remained as calm as she could and went back over the details.

“So let me get this straight, you… understandably thought your daughter was no longer safe being involved with the Evangelion program. You had reservations about it all throughout her tenure as a pilot, I remember seeing the logs of your concerns.”

He nodded, “Yes that is correct.”

“So when the Third Impact incident occurred you sent a team of UN Doctors to extract Asuka and then inform her that Shinji had died. Why?”

The man sighed, “We thought she had developed an attachment to Shinji in some way, she always spoke about him in the phone calls and always mentioned him in e-mails. She always saw him as a rival but… well you don’t mention someone that much unless you have an attachment to them. Unfortunately we saw it as detrimental to her safety. You have to understand, she nearly died out there on a number of occasions and then… we saw what those other units did to her… I had to take drastic action.”

“So you thought that making her think her one attachment here was dead she would… go on with her life? Is that it?”

“That is also correct.”

“So when did you find out you were wrong?”

“I didn’t… it was Yukiko. When Asuka returned she didn’t want any help. We offered her therapy and everything to help her but she assured us… she convinced us she was fine. You’ve seen yourself what Asuka can be like. Only we knew she wasn’t fine, Asuka didn’t go out or make friends. Until one day in which she did go out, June 6th.”

Misato felt herself smile at the significance of the date, “Shinji’s birthday.”

“Exactly, Yukiko noticed the date and our security team tracked Asuka. A museum had opened an exhibition on what was a recently decommissioned carrier, the ‘Over The Rainbow’ she was attending that.”

“That was the aircraft carrier that Shinji and Asuka met on. I didn’t realize it had been decommissioned nor was it being used as an exhibition.”

“We thought that maybe it was a one off but over the course of the next few years she continued to be the same. She would stay in around the house and rarely go out except on that date. Last year she attended a Cello Recital, the year before that a hot springs. All things she associated with Shinji.”

“Yet you never told her he was alive… you kept her in the dark all that time?”

“I regret each and every moment of it, we thought we were in too deep and that telling her at any point would just hurt her more. Finally this year Yukiko decided enough was enough. She couldn’t stand to see Asuka unhappy any longer and… well you know what happened to Asuka’s mother right?”

Misato nodded, “Yes I do, and I know you and Yukiko have done your best for Asuka but what you both did here was wrong. You should never have lied to her. “

“I know that, that’s why we’re trying to put it right. My wife Yukiko is the one who arranged for Shinji to be in Germany for this week, it was our hope that learning the truth might be the first step towards my daughter being happy again.”

XXX

Shinji ran out of the house onto the circular driveway and looked around frantically. Overhead there was a rumble of thunder as rain had started to come down. Just off in the distance he could see her kneeling down and clutching her right arm.

He quickly made his way over to her but slowed as he approached. She was staring straight ahead, her dress splattered with mud and from what he could see of it, her face streaked with tears.

"A-Asuka..."

"T-They knew... both of them knew about it... and they didn't tell me..." He could hear her mutter.

"Asuka... I..."

"Four years... they let me believe it and then... they just bring you over here as if it'll make it any better..."

Shinji approached her carefully and kneeled down beside her. He wanted to put his arm around her but couldn't quite bring himself to yet but he did take the opportunity to look at her. She was still staring straight ahead but as he looked at her arm he could see minor damage across it.

"A-Asuka... your arm..."

"What about it?" She snarled.

Shinji slowly leaned over to grab it and look at it closer but Asuka quickly snatched it away.

"It... it looks hurt..."

"Of course it looks hurt you idiot, I just punched the fucking ground."

"Y-You can feel pain in it?"

Shinji wasn't sure if he had asked a stupid question or not. Asuka had told him that her new arm allowed her to feel things once again, he had even seen her nearly burn herself so it only made sense that she could feel pain if she did something like that. Yet he wondered just what the extent of it could be.

Asuka nodded, "Every goddamn bit of it, stupid thing."

"Have you broken it?"

Asuka shrugged and looked at the arm. It probably wasn’t damaged but she could see it was covered in mud and dirty and parts of it were scuffed from where she had hit the ground, "I don't know, probably. Who cares?"

"I care! I don't want to see you hurt!"

A momentary silence fell over the two of them. Shinji looked around the garden as the rain suddenly got heavier, this was accompanied by another louder rumble of thunder. He felt himself start to shiver from it.

"We should... go back in Asuka."

Asuka shook her head in defiance, "No. I don't want to."

"It's raining, we'll catch cold."

"I don't care. I don't want to be around her."

"I'll carry you in!" Shinji warned.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Yeah you're right... I wouldn't." Shinji admitted with a wry smile. Again the silence fell between them as Shinji shifted ever so slightly trying to get comfortable.

"So did you know..."

"Know what?"

"About what they had done of course, about... this whole thing. I heard her say that she brought you over here! So how much did you know?"

"I didn't know anything Asuka. I just... she contacted me about a month and a half ago. Introduced herself as your stepmother and asked if I'd like to visit Germany for my birthday. She said that things had happened and that she'd help me see you again... I didn't know anything else. Until she contacted me... I didn't even know where you were."

Asuka finally turned her head, "So... you didn't try to contact me at all?"

Shinji shook his head in response, "I wanted to but... Misato tried to find out about you. She told me the other day but she said any attempt was blocked all she knew was that you were alive. I wanted to do something but I didn't know what I could do, I didn't have an e-mail address or a phone number and... I just kinda assumed you hated me anyway."

She let out a sigh, "Why do you assume I hate everyone?"

Shinji let out a small laugh, "Probably because you said it a couple of hundred times back when you lived with us. I knew you didn't hate everyone but... I wouldn't have blamed you for hating me."

"I don't hate anyone... I can't even hate my parents for what they did. I don't like what they did but... I understand it. They just wanted to protect me right? Isn't that what any parent would do?"

"Maybe not every parent..." He grinned.

"Sorry I didn't mean to..." Asuka paused for a moment feeling somewhat awkward, "Well... you know."

"It's fine... If anything... I kinda prefer you to say things like that."

"Really?"

Shinji nodded, "Misato... and the others they care for me but... they just... they aren't you Asuka. They'll give me the distance I want even if it isn't what is best for me, they'll not talk about certain subjects even if it's what I need to talk about... they'll be dishonest to protect me. You don't do that."

"In other words I'll call you out on your bullshit?"

"Pretty much..."

"I should have known... So is that why you're here?"

"You know that isn't why I'm here. I wanted to see you again, I've wanted to see you for four years. I lo-"

She shot him a curious glance as he stopped himself from saying those words. She knew exactly what he was about to say, yet she also knew why he had likely stopped himself from saying it.

"I really care about you Asuka."

She brushed away some of the hair from her face and felt herself smile. She had been wanting to hear him say something like that for a long time.

"You know Shinji... this is the third time in three days I've ran away from you... "

"Really?"

"Yup. Outside the ramen place, after I kissed you and now. I'm making a habit of it, must be your influence."

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be the one who runs away aren't I?" Shinji joked.

"Something like that, I seem to remember you yelling something about not running away a couple of times."

Shinji threw up his hands defensively, "Hey! I did that... twice and that was before you even arrived so how do you know about that?"

"Do you not think I watched your combat footage? I heard you saying it during the fourth Angel fight."

Shinji blushed, "It... helped me then even if I didn't really stick to it."

"I haven't exactly done a good job myself. Instead of confronting things I just ran away from them. I hid behind a façade of strength and ended up becoming someone I and everyone else hated."

Asuka looked up towards the clouded sky as she felt Shinji's arm wrap itself around her shoulders.

"Asuka... no one ever hated you. We were worried about you and we wanted to help you we just... didn't really know how."

Asuka continued to look upwards, "It doesn't matter now anyway. Not like anyone could have done anything back then for me, everyone else was so messed up how could they have done? Same for you I suppose."

Shinji nodded in agreement, "I suppose... everyone made mistakes back then. If we had maybe listened more or I don't know... something but it just kept on piling up."

"Maybe... I was close to talking to Misato about it you know..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was when we went to the hot springs. I brought up Misato knowing all about my past, I guess I wanted to confide in her but she told me it was probably best to leave the past in the past. I believed her and tried to do that."

"Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Not really..."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. I think I've had enough emotional turmoil for the past few days without throwing discussion of my mother into the mix."

The two of them fell silent and turned to gaze at one another once more. The tears that had fallen down Asuka's face had been mixed with the falling rain, yet to Shinji she still somehow managed to look beautiful. Slowly he brought his hand around and softly caressed her cheek. He saw her visible eye widen in what looked to be fear, the same as he had saw last night.

Instead of running away she brought up her hand and removed the patch that was covering her other eye. For the first time Shinji could see into her other eye, the one she was now blind in. There were two fine points on either side of it, damage from the lance of Longinus, aside from that it looked fairly normal.

"You know... I haven't taken this off for anyone since I got it. You're the first person to see my face completely."

"I-I didn't know that... Thank you... I think..."

Asuka leaned in closer to him and softly whispered, "Idiot."

Their lips finally met and Shinji felt Asuka's hand reach around to the back of his head. He mimicked the movement and ran his hand through her now, incredibly wet hair. Finally their lips parted the two of them looking deeply into each other’s eyes.

It took a moment but Asuka laughed, "We're... so stupid..."

"We should have realized this long ago..."

"No not that you idiot, I mean the fact that we're sat here in the mud kissing each other whilst its pissing down with rain. We should be where it’s warmer."

He grinned, "Fine, let’s go inside then."

Shinji rose to his feet and extended his hand towards Asuka. She contemplated it for a moment before reaching out herself and allowing him to help her up. Suddenly without any warning Shinji leaned in and put his arms around her waist hoisting her up onto his shoulder.

"Y-You... what the hell are you doing!"

Shinji laughed, "I said I'd carry you in didn't I!"

"P-Put me down right now you idiot or I swear to god I'll kill you."

Shinji started walking forwards making sure to keep Asuka steady, he grinned as she feebly brought her fists down on his back. Asuka herself couldn't help but smile as she half heartedly made an attempt to get Shinji to put her down.

As Shinji made his way onto the gravel driveway he finally stopped seemingly allowing her to climb down. Instead she brought herself down and wrapped her legs around his waist and both arms around his neck snuggling her head softly into his shoulder.

"Shinji, I really care about you too."


	8. Not A Dry Eye In The House

Shinji stirred and slowly opened his eyes and rolled onto his back. He smiled at the sight of yet another unfamiliar ceiling in his life. Unlike the many others he had encountered, this one didn’t seem to be so bad. This particular ceiling actually belonged to one of the many guest rooms within the expansive Langley estate.

This night had been another eventful and strange one. It seemed like every night had been like that since he had arrived in Germany. Tonight it had been the revelation that it had in fact been Asuka’s father who had been behind Shinji’s so-called death. It was a startling revelation for Shinji but even more so to Asuka.

Shinji didn’t blame Asuka for being angry when she had overheard it, nor did he blame her for walking out as she had done. It was what had happened afterwards that had set his mind ticking over though.

The two of them had sat outside in the pouring rain, their clothes covered in mud and they had talked before actually sharing a kiss. They had kissed and there was nothing else to interfere or ruin it. There was no fear or running away, there was just the two of them. It had been perfect.

When they had returned to the house the house keeper had given them both a disapproving look at they trailed water and mud into the entranceway. They had giggled at the whole thing as they were handed towels and escorted up to clean themselves off.

Shinji had worried then that he would have to face dessert and Asuka’s stepmother in a ruined suit. Thankfully Asuka had revealed some clothes she had bought for Shinji earlier whilst they were out at the market. She was going to give them to him the next day as extra birthday gifts but decided that given the circumstances he should have them now. Amongst them was a comfortable pair of dark blue pyjama’s he had on now.

What had followed next had been something of an awkward dessert as they once again met with Asuka’s stepmother. It was then that Yukiko revealed to Asuka the truth properly. She told Asuka how Asuka’s father had on the day of the Third Impact incident learned of what had happened in Tokyo-3. They had seen images of the fight between Unit 02 and the Eva Series and then everything had gone dark for a whole day.

Shinji has just sat and listened with his eyes towards the table at all time. He had never heard about the events of that day from anyone outside of Tokyo-3 before. He didn’t know what the rest of the world saw on that day. He listened how Yukiko continued to explain that Asuka’s father thought Asuka had been killed or badly injured, so he had sent a team to retrieve her.

It was during this time that he decided the best thing would be for Asuka to no longer had any contact with NERV or Eva so the plan was put into place to make her think those she might have cared about were not there or had died. This started with telling her Shinji had died.

Again during all of this Shinji just sat with his eyes glued to the table. He offered no input aside from allowing his hand to drift under the table and grab Asuka’s trembling hand. There was a part of Shinji that actually understood why they had done that. They had saw how Shinji had failed to protect Asuka and they had seen their daughter nearly die.

Shinji had relived that moment numerous times in his head and nightmares since that day wishing he could go back and try it again but it wasn’t possible. All he could do was live with the regret and the dark feelings that told him he didn’t deserve happiness because of it. So he did understand it but at the same time he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. It would have just caused more pain to withhold the truth like that.

To Shinji’s surprise Asuka offered very little response during the explanations. She didn’t seem to get angry nor did she storm out as he might have expected her to do. Instead she asked her questions and nodded in response to the answers. It was possible she was saving her anger for when Shinji wasn’t there or she was just too worn out to be angry anymore.

What Shinji did know was that the dessert, whilst very nice was an awkward experience because of all that had happened and even more so was the offer from Asuka and Yukiko to spend the night in the estate.

Shinji had initially declined the offer and said it would probably be best to go back to the hotel. He didn’t have a change of clothes but Asuka was very quick to remind him about the ones she had bought him earlier that day. She then revealed to him the pyjama’s she had bought so Shinji couldn’t really decline such an offer.

He rolled over and glanced at the alarm clock on the small bedside table. The time had just gone midnight, he had only been asleep for an hour, it had been a peaceful sleep but he had been awoken by the need to relieve his bladder.

He pulled back the covers and put on the pair of slippers he had discarded before getting into the bed and made his way out into the dimly lit corridor. Both ways looked to be exactly the same to him. The guest rooms didn’t have their own ensuite bathrooms so he had to remember where it was.

He quietly started to traverse the corridor but stopped outside of one door. He recognized it from earlier as being the door to Asuka’s bedroom. He could see a faint light all around it, Asuka was still awake.

He knocked on the door a couple of times and waited for the response. After a short while he heard her muffled voice call back to him.

“Come in!”

He opened the door and carefully entered and looked around. Asuka was seated cross legged on the small couch on the other side of the room. There was a pair of headphones around her with one ear left exposed. She had a controller in her hand and as Shinji looked he could see the image of a character holding a large sword on the television screen.

Without turning her head towards him she acknowledge him, “Hey Shinji, you’re up late. I thought you’d have been asleep.”

Shinji nodded and felt himself go slightly red with embarrassment, “I was… wondering where the bathroom was.”

Asuka have a short laugh, “Oh yeah I forgot your room doesn’t have one. You’ve actually come the wrong way, it’s at the other end of the corridor but use mine instead.”

Shinji smiled, “Thanks.”

Asuka turned her full attention back towards her game as Shinji made his way into the bathroom. On screen she made her character roll effortlessly past an enemy that was bringing its own blade down to the ground.

Without any hesitation she made her character roll again as the enemy swung its sword around itself. It was a pattern she had seen countless times before and dodging it was second nature to her by now.

Upon dodging the second attack she brought her character in for an attack of her own. Three separate strikes from her character to then be followed by another evasive roll as the enemy swung its sword again. This time she rolled back towards the enemy and straight off of the back of it attacked three more times to finish the creature off.

As she started to move the character down a crumbling church hallway she was away of Shinji exiting the bathroom and making his way just behind the couch.

“H-Hey Asuka…”

Asuka didn’t peel her attention away from the screen, instead she just nodded, “Yeah?”

“I… well thank you for letting me stay here tonight. I really appreciate it, and thank you for the pyjamas as well.”

“It was nothing.”

Asuka shrugged nonchalantly trying to back up her lie. In actual fact it was a hell of a lot more than nothing to her. After everything that had happened to her tonight she had wanted nothing more than for Shinji to stay here.

She wasn’t going to admit it in front of him but after learning all those truths tonight she couldn’t have taken a night on her own in this place. If he had insisted on going back to the hotel she would have been tempted to join him.

There was also the matter of the kiss they had shared earlier. She had not been able to get it out of her mind ever since it had happened. It was not their first kiss but it was the first one that had actually gone right and it had been perfect.

Despite them both being soaked from the rain and covered in mud it had just felt so wonderful. She had felt a warmth like never before as he had wrapped his arms around her. His lips had been so soft and she had wished it could have lasted forever.

It had taken all words out of her mouth, in that moment all of her defences had been down and she could just be herself. She could be a girl who loved a boy.

Of course neither of them had had the chance to talk about it since it had occurred. Afterwards they had looked at one another completely speechless and Shinji had carried her back into the house. Asuka wasn’t quite sure what she should say to him, what exactly was the next step after that?

There was still so many other things floating around in her head right now it was hard to organize it all. So instead she had decided she was just going to play video games until she passed out on her couch.

“How are you feeling?” asked Shinji.

Asuka offered little more than a simple shrug again, "I'm good."

Shinji wasn't overly convinced but he didn't want to press the issue. If there was one thing he had learned it was that Asuka liked to talk about things on her terms. She could perhaps be forced to open but but right now probably wasn't the time to do it.

He was however intrigued by what might have happened after he had gone to bed. He knew Asuka and Yukiko might have stayed awake for a short while longer afterwards.

"Have you... and your stepmother spoke about-"

Asuka finally turned her head and narrowed her expression which stop him in his tracks, "No we haven't, and I don't want to think about it right now."

"She did seem upset at the way things turned out."

"Good. Both of them should be for lying like that. I didn’t need them to protect me back them or make any decisions like that for me. What exactly was going to happen? Why would I need protection from you of all people."

Shinji glanced downwards thinking better of his temptation to remind Asuka of how he had hurt her back then. It seemed as though Asuka knew exactly what was on his mind however.

"I didn't mean it like that. I know... things happened back then but I hurt you just as much as you hurt me and well... it wasn't their decision to make was it?"

Shinji nodded, "I know that... I guess I'm just sorry that this happened."

"Urgh, I see you still haven't dropped that habit. Still apologizing when things aren't your fault! Look you... have nothing to worry about and it's not like you had a choice either."

"I know."

A silence fell between them as both of their attention was drawn to the screen once again. He looked on as Asuka mowed down more of the enemies that she encountered with ease. After a few minutes he yawned, the tiredness settling in once more.

"I... I should probably go back to bed. Thanks again Asuka."

He had only gotten a few steps before being stopped by her calling out to him, "Hey Shinji... why don't you... well you can stay in this room tonight if you want? I mean the couch is big enough and I have spare sheets in one of the cupboards?"

Shinji stopped and thought about it for a moment. There was a part of him that was tempted to take her up on the invitation but then he thought about what Asuka's stepmother might think he she found out Shinji had spent the night in Asuka's room.

He finally spoke, "No, it's fine I should probably jus-"

"Fine, suit yourself. Good night Shinji."

Asuka shot back sharply, perhaps even more so than she had expected. She turned back to the screen in an effort to hide her disappointment. She didn't know why but all of a sudden in that moment she felt like she needed him to be in the same room as her when she went to sleep tonight.

It was just like the time they had had to train together to defeat the seventh Angel. She wanted him close by but she couldn't quite tell him. It was strange but before hand she was happy just knowing he would be down the hallway.

Shinji had once again started to make his way towards the door. He gave a quick glance over his shoulder before leaving to see Asuka was once again engrossed in her game.

"Hey Asuka..."

"Yes Shinji?"

"I'm really glad that we could see each other again."

Asuka smiled, "Me too Shinji, good night."

"Good night."

Asuka watched as he quietly exited the room and left her alone once again. For a brief moment she considered going outside and asking him once again to spend the night in her room. Maybe even appealing to him in some way to come back but she quickly brushed those thoughts aside.

It was perhaps for the best that that particular step wasn't taken tonight or soon. So much had happened so quickly in the past couple of days that it could end up being too awkward for either of them. After all she had already seen what had happened the other day when she kissed him and hadn't been ready for it.

Whilst what she had offered wasn't the same as offering her bed to him it still did seem like a big step. It could have been seen a confirmation of something that she might not have been ready for. There was also the matter of the nightmares she was sure she was going to have. Asuka wasn't sure she'd want Shinji to see her that vulnerable just yet.

Still there was some comfort to be taken in the knowledge that if she needed him he would only be a few doors away down the hall. It would be that thought she would take with her to sleep tonight, that her invincible Shinji was finally close by once again.

XXX

Misato took a seat opposite the blonder and shorter haired Ritsuko Akagi. She placed down her cup of coffee and proceeded to look out the window across the vast skyline of the city known at Tokyo-2.

It had been some time since the two of them had managed to get together. Ritsuko seemed to be busier now as a teacher then she ever had been during her tenure as NERVs Chief Scientist and Misato herself had been kept busy by her own obligations towards WILLE.

For Misato there was a strange feeling within her. Shinji would be coming back from Germany tomorrow and whilst she was looking forward to having him back again after his week away she was apprehensive about the future.

From what Shinji had told her during the various phone calls things had gone really well between both himself and Asuka. He had not gone into any specific details but he had mentioned how she had shown him around a good portion of Berlin, how they had gone shopping together and that he had even had the honour of having dinner at her place.

Misato hadn't heard that sort of happiness in his voice for a very long time and she couldn't have been more pleased for him. She couldn't have been more pleased for Asuka either for that matter. She had always maintained that the two of them could have done with a little bit of happiness in their lives.

There was of course still something of a cloud hovering over the whole situation though. She couldn't help but keep going back to the conversation she had had with Asuka's father the other day. It was hard for her not to be angry at him. His actions had hurt both Asuka and Shinji, however well intentioned they might have been.

This cloud had not gone unnoticed by Ritsuko who sipped from her cup and noticed Misato's attention seemed to be elsewhere, "Something on your mind Misato?"

Misato turned and smiled wistfully before letting out a sigh, "You could say that Rits. Shinji is due back from Germany tomorrow."

"Well surely that's a good thing right? From what you were saying things have gone well for him?"

Misato gave a nod, "Yes they have. That isn't the issue though. It's... well you know I gave my speech the other day about WILLE?"

"You mean the one to reclaim the MAGI and Eva technology?"

Misato raised a curious eyebrow at her friend, "I see you're well informed, has your girlfriend been telling you all of our secrets again?"

Her response only drew a smirk from Ritsuko, "Nothing like that. She hasn't told me anything but it was a logical step for WILLE to take wasn't it? After all I imagine many parties are interested in what is in there and the best place for it all would be with someone neutral like WILLE. Oh and before you ask, no I'm not interested in helping WILLE retrieve or have anything to do with the MAGI. Same for everyone else who has contacted me."

Misato immediately raised her hands defensively, “No! Don’t worry I wasn’t going to ask you about it. You’ve already made your position clear numerous times…”

Misato trailed off to gather her thoughts, “After I have my speech I was greeted by a member of the UN team, a Mr Langley.”

Ritsuko’s eyebrows raised immediately in surprise at the mention of the name. It was one she hadn’t heard in a long time but one she did recognize. She couldn’t not recognize it after all the name carried a lot of significance to people like her when NERV was around and before that GEHIRN. Not just because he was Asuka’s father.

Langley had, after the death of his wife attempted to investigate GEHIRN and NERV to find out how such a thing could have happened. He had on a number of occasions during the war against the Angels been a bit of a thorn in the side of NERV. He was in truth only doing his job both as a member of the UN and as Asuka’s father.

The fact that he had resurfaced was something of a surprise to Ritsuko, although she had to admit she wasn’t exactly knowledgeable about who was who in these organizations anymore.

“I see, that must have been an interesting encounter given your situation.”

“You could say that, he wanted to commend me on a job well done with my speech and request for access to Tokyo-3. Said he’d be going back to his superiors with a glowing recommendation.”

“Well that’s something, I imagine that isn’t everything though is it?”

“Exactly, he wanted to talk to me about Asuka.”

“Oh.”

“That’s what I thought. Given that Shinji is in Germany right now and given how she pretty much dropped off the face of the planet I was expecting a warning to stay away. To ensure Shinji never had contact with Asuka again.”

“Makes sense.”

“Except it wasn’t. It was actually an apology from him for what had happened over the past four years. We always knew Asuka’s father was somewhat protective of Asuka. We knew he never really wanted Asuka to be a part of Project Eva but he couldn’t do anything about it. Her mother made it one of her wishes and Asuka herself wanted it so he allowed it.”

“Yes I remember, Commander Ikari was not his biggest fan.”

“I imagine that went both ways. Anyway he told me that it was he who sent in the medical teams after Third Impact to leave those supplies at the beach and also rescue Asuka. He was also the one who has been making it difficult to get any information on Asuka ever since.”

“Well it’s a father protecting his daughter. It doesn’t seem too unusual especially when you consider what Asuka has and had gone through at that time. He probably doesn’t even know the full story. So why was he apologizing?”

“Because he had gone too far. It wasn’t just that he rescued her and made it impossible for us to contact her. He had lied to her about what had happened. He told her that Shinji had died.”

Ritsuko made very little attempt to hide her shock at Misato’s words. She hadn’t for one moment considered he might have gone to those sorts of lengths. Despite the issues they had encountered with him she had always heard him to be somewhat reasonable.

“They told her that Shinji had died? Why?”

Misato gave a small shrug, “Beats me. I guess they assumed Asuka had some sort of attachment to him. I mean we all knew didn’t we? They also however saw how much she was being hurt during her time here. They knew how hurt she had gotten from the Angel attacks, they knew about the suicide attempt and even knew about the fight with the Eva series. I guess they just figured that enough was enough. Maybe they blamed Shinji in a way for not doing enough and thought keeping her away from him was for the best.”

Ritsuko nodded, “When you considering all that happened to the two of them it seems like a logical choice. We saw that the two of them had a tendency to hurt one another.”

“You can’t seriously be justifying what he did?”

Ritsuko was very quick to make motions to defend herself, “Not at all. I said it was the logical choice but because it seemed logical doesn’t mean it was correct. Logic isn’t always correct in matters of the heart. We also had the benefit of seeing why they hurt one another. There was no one there to help the two of them when they needed it.”

“I feel like that’s my fault…”

“Not entirely, we all share the blame in failing those kids. We weren’t able to help them so they ended up regression into themselves. When either one tried to reach out they didn’t get the answers they needed so it just scared them. They couldn’t exactly help each other so they just ended up hurting one another.”

“I guess that’s true… it’s that whole… what did you call it? The Hedgehogs Dilemma?”

Ritsuko laughed, “You actually still remember that? I think I must have told you about that just after you took Shinji in.”

“Yup, and you were right! That’s exactly what it is.”

“So what did our Mr Langley have to say after his apology?”

“Well he revealed to me exactly who Shinji’s contact was in Germany, the one who helped him organize this trip in secret.”

“Asuka’s stepmother right?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Given that we were talking about Asuka’s father apologizing, it seemed…”

“Logical?” Misato interrupted.

“Exactly.”

“Anyway he just wanted me to know the truth and also wanted to make a request of me.”

XXX

**Brandenburg International Airport**

It was becoming hard and hard to Shinji to keep a straight face as he gazed upwards at the entrance to the airport terminal. He extended the handle on his suit case and let out a sigh as he slung his backpack over this shoulder.

This was it he thought to himself. He would not return to Japan and his life there. He had only spent a week in Germany but he felt like so much had changed for him already. He felt like a chapter of his life had ended and now he could move forward.

A weight had been lifted off of his shoulders over the course of this visit. Whilst he knew his life going forward wouldn't exactly be easy. There was still a lot to deal with. He knew he would still have nightmares, he knew that when he looked in the mirror and saw any facial hair on himself he'd immediately think of that man he knew as his father, he knew he would still feel shame and regret at his actions those years ago and that he would feel awkward socially. Yet he felt more prepared to deal with it, for the past four years he had hidden himself away and now it was time to progress.

"So this is it then?" Mumbled a voice from behind him. It was just enough to snap him out of his daydream. Unfortunately for Shinji he found himself not wanting to turn around to look at her for fear that he might cry.

Instead he nodded and simply sighed and eventually he did turn around to face her.

“Yeah… this is it.” He said quietly.

Asuka was looking him and wearing a faint smile. A part of him wished that she wasn't here to see him off but Asuka had promised that she would and Shinji knew better then anyone to not challenge her when he mind was made up. It wasn't that Shinji wasn't appreciative for her present. If anything he wanted to see more of her but it was also only making things that little bit harder.

It was still a much better goodbye than the one four years ago though.

"I trust you have all of my contact details now? Remembered to note them all down?"

Shinji nodded again and smiled, "Yeah. I have your e-mail address and your phone numbers. I have Yukiko's details and your home address too. Do you have everything for me too?"

Asuka grinned, "Of course. I have your details, Misato's and Hikari's too. I'll probably contact her this week."

"Good."

A silence fell over the two of them once more with neither one too certain of what to say or do next.

"Shinji!"

"Asuka"

Both giggled as they called out to one another simultaneously. The laughing subsided and Shinji was the first to speak.

"I'm really... glad that we could see each other again."

"Me too Shinji, you will... visit again right?"

Shinji nodded, "Of course I will and you'll... come and visit us right?"

"Of course I will. If anything just to rescue Hikari from a life of having to put up with that idiot Touji. Must have been awful for her having four years of putting up with your three."

"She'll like that... I look forward to it then."

"Yeah... well, goodbye Shinji"

"Goodbye Asuka."

Shinji set this backpack down on the ground and had made a move forward to hug Asuka. He got halfway there before she stopped him."

"Hey... Shinji.... how do you..."

Asuka trailed off wondering just how she should phrase her question. She felt immediately after starting to ask it that it was a stupid question. The answer was painfully obvious but she needed to hear it from his lips, she needed confirmation.

"How do you feel... about me?" She finally asked him.

Shinji took barely any time to respond, "I really care about you Asuka. I always have done from... the first time we met I think. I... I love you."

"I see..."

Asuka merely bowed her head at his admission. She contemplated it for a moment before removing her eyepatch in one swift motion. He could see her face completely now. He could see both her eyes, the other one slightly dulled from the damage done to it. He noticed the little bits of scarring around it too.

"A-Asuka... what about you?"

"I care about you too Shinji..."

She paused not being too sure if she could bring herself to use the L word just yet. In truth she was more than certain that she did feel that way towards Shinji but she also needed a little bit more time to arrange things inside her own head.

There were a number of conversations she needed to have with her stepmother and with her father. There were conversations she had to have with people in Japan before she could actually commit to saying that word.

Saying it would be confirmation and a commitment. So much had gone wrong for her in her life to this point she wanted to be absolutely certain that nothing would when she did say it.

"I don't... I can't use that word just yet though."

She looked up at him, her eyes were glistening with tears but she didn't care. There might have been a time when she cared about people seeing her like this but not Shinji. He could see her at her weakest and she wouldn't care anymore.

She continued speaking and tried to ignore the disappointed look on his face.

"It's nothing against you but... if I use that word now then it's confirmation and I still need to sort out a lot of things here Shinji. We will see each other again though and then... maybe. Right now though I just need a bit more time."

Without waiting for him to respond she took a step forward and threw her arms around him burying her head into his chest. She felt Shinji's arms wrap themselves around her and clutch her tightly so him. It provided a warmth and comfort that she had always longed for.

"I understand Asuka."

"Good. Thank you."

Asuka finally pulled herself out of the embrace and gaze up into Shinji's eyes. She wasted no time and leaning forwards and allowing both of their lips to meet once more. The two stood holding each other tightly locked in an embrace and a kiss that they knew would be their last for some time. Neither one of them wanted to let go of one another but finally the time came when they knew they had to.

"I... I have to go now Asuka."

She nodded in disappointed and put her eyepatch back on."

"I know you do... before you do though... I forgot to give you this."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the small portable SDAT she had kept with her for the past four years. The one that belonged to Shinji. In recognition of it he opened his eyes in surprise.

“Hey this is… how did you get this?”

“Day I was rescued, I think you left it with me when you went for supplies so they assumed it was mine. I’ve kept it ever since… had to get it repaired though. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who repairs these old things?”

Shinji smiled, “It belonged to my mother… that’s why I had it.”

“Well it belongs to you again now, I guess seeing that you’re actually alive you probably want it back.”

To her surprise he shook his head, “You keep it. Keep it for when I see you next.”

Asuka smiled, “Fine, I will.”

Shinji stared down at the ground for a few moments before looking back up, "I... I think I know what it is I want to do."

Asuka raised an eyebrow, "Oh?"

"I... was thinking about the offers to go to music schools and join bands but I... never really thought it was for me but... I think what I'd like to do is teach music instead."

She grinned in response, "Teach music? You?"

He nodded, "Yeah, Ritsuko said her school are looking for help with their music department and I can get the backing to get the qualifications. I think... I'd really like to do that."

"So does that mean next time I see you I'll have to call you Mr Ikari?"

Shinji laughed, "Maybe... I do... I really would like to do that though."

"Well good luck Shinji, I hope you're able to do it."

She leaned in and kissed him again, “You’d better go now.”

“Yeah I will. Goodbye Asuka.

“Goodbye Shinji, have a safe trip.”

She could only watch as he picked up his things and turned away from her to enter the terminal. She could feel the onset of tears behind her eyes but kept blinking to fight them away. Asuka wasn’t going to cry here, she had already promised herself that. She was going to keep it together until she returned to the house.

She wondered if Shinji was going to keep it together all the way home. Knowing him he’d probably break down in the toilet on the plane or something. She smirked imagining the image of Shinji sobbing into his plane meal.

Finally the doors closed and she found herself clutching the SDAT tightly in her hand for comfort. That was it, as quickly as he had come back into her life he was gone again. Only this time it wasn’t permanent, it wasn’t a goodbye but it was a new beginning. They would see each other once again. She brought up a finger to wipe away a stray tear and whispered to herself.

“See you soon Shinji, I do love you.”


	9. Epilogue: Lost Boys & Golden Girls

"… This song was said to have been derived from a number of pieces by Bach including 'Air', 'Sleepers, Wake!' And..."

Shinji paused for a moment trying to remember not only the exact name but also hoping that his German pronunciation was up to an acceptable standard.

“'Ich steh mit einum Fuß im Grabe.'”

He continued before pausing again satisfied that he had said that correctly.

“This single was one of the earlier pieces of work to merge the emerging rock music genre with classical music. The band, along with a number of others at the time were part of a style of music that would mark the beginning of the progressive rock movement that emerged during the late sixties and early seventies.”

Shinji paused a final time to glance at the clock hung above the door. The bell would be going soon to mark the end of the lesson. As he looked around the classroom he could already see some of the students slowly packing away their stuff, as if he or Ritsuko wouldn’t notice.

He suppressed a small smile as he thought about how in this situation he’d have been doing the same. Although he did hope that his lessons were slightly more interesting than the ones his teacher used to give.

“…And I think that is a good place to end it. In the next lesson we’ll look at the bands and artists that emerged during that time. Go and listen to the track and I’ve also put the sheet music for it on the class website. If any of you can try and play it, we’ll probably look at it when we start doing practical lessons.”

Just as he finished speaking the bell finally rang and this was quickly followed by the directions given to the class from the class representative. Shinji watched as all the students stood and politely made their way out of the classroom. The final student left the room and he let out a sigh and dropped his shoulders. He heard Ritsuko give a laugh from behind him.

“Before you ask you’re doing absolutely fine, the students have really taken to you. Although you could probably stand to relax a little bit, isn’t it tiring being so formal and standing so rigidly all the time?”

Shinji sat himself on the edge of one of the desks and glanced at the whiteboard and the mass of notes he had written over the course of the lesson, “It’s just a lot to get used to, I don’t want them to hate me or think I don’t know what I’m talking about I guess.”

“No teacher wants their students to hate them and I don’t think you need to worry about them questioning your knowledge. You’ve only been doing this for four weeks though, there is still plenty of time to work things out and develop. More importantly though how do you think you’re doing?”

Shinji stood back up and started to wipe away some of the notes on the board, he gave a small shrug at her question, “Alright I guess… they seem to like it. I’ve had a few of them already ask questions about doing the practical lessons. A lot of them seem interested in learning to play an instrument and some of the music theory…”

“That’s good, you’ve connected with them then so you can probably start to relax. Now if you’re comfortable with it we can probably move onto the practical stuff next week. Say maybe a lesson in here on the history of music and a lesson in the practice rooms?”

Shinji nodded, “Y-Yeah! That should be fine.”

Ritsuko stood up and stretched before glancing out of the window, she seemed to be looking for someone before finally letting out a sigh of her own. “Maya is late again. I swear your guardian is keeping her more and more lately.”

Shinji laughed.

“Misato said that they’re really overworked at the moment with the recovered systems, they’re supposed to be flying in an expert to help Maya with it all.”

“So she’s finally given up on asking me eh? Well I’m sure Maya and this new person will figure it out. I need to go and print some things out anyway, I’ll see you next week.”

Ritsuko started to make her way out of the classroom before turning around one more time, “Oh and Shinji, thank you for doing this. I know it isn’t… easy for you to be in front of people like this, let alone school kids but you are doing really well. We’re all really proud of you.”

Shinji felt himself blush as he nodded, “I-It’s fine… I’m really happy to be here and I’m enjoying it. I should thank you Ritsuko for the opportunity.”

“After what we put you through Shinji it’s the least we can do.”

“Don’t worry about that, the past is in the past…”

“Misato’s words but they are valid I suppose. Goodbye Shinji.”

“Bye Ritsuko.”

Ritsuko left the room just as Shinji returned to wiping away what was left on the board. He followed this up by collecting the small stack of papers that he had placed on the small table near to him and placed them neatly into his backpack. It felt strange for him to look around this classroom and realize that he had now been doing this for four weeks.

Shinji Ikari was actually standing in front of a room of school children and giving lessons on music and he was really enjoying it. He wondered what the fourteen year old Shinji Ikari would say about such a thing. He wondered what the Shinji Ikari from three months ago would say.

At the moment his task was to talk about the history of music. A one hour lesson a week going over key moments in history. Today he had started on Pre-Second Impact popular music and in particular the evolution of music throughout the sixties. It was his hope to expose the children to a range of music from classical through to modern pop so that they could gain an appreciation for a variety of genre and also see how genres could be mixed together.

Next week would however prove to be a challenge as he would have to prepare for giving practical lessons. He had thought briefly about how this might be done. Maybe use the first lesson to teach the students some of the basics of music theory and let them play around on the school keyboards just getting used to the keys and the notes. From there he could move on, he was already a competent piano player so teaching keyboard was no issue but he was also thinking about making himself available for Cello tutoring either one on one or in groups.

He was incredibly thankful to Ritsuko for giving him this opportunity. When she had returned from the sea of LCL it had not been easy for the two of them and Misato to get along. Ritsuko was a broken shell of a woman after what had happened to her at the hands of his father. There was also the guilt that Shinji knew she felt towards what had happened not only to Shinji but to the Asuka and Rei too.

Shinji had forgiven her for it though by now. He harbored no ill feelings towards her and he had told her as much a few months after she had returned. It was shortly after he had told her that that Ritsuko had decided to become a teacher.

He wondered from time to time if she did still feel that guilt, he imagined she must have done. Whilst they were all in a better place now Shinji knew they still, much like him had tough moments to get through. He had heard Misato cry herself to sleep on a number of occasions over the loss of Kaji, unfortunately he had been too powerless to do anything.

_‘If only I had hugged her or something but… until three months ago I wasn’t capable of doing anything but telling people I forgave them…’_

He felt that maybe that was why he had been given this opportunity. It had taken barely any time at all for Ritsuko to come forward with it after he had proposed the idea to Misato. Shinji knew that there was a demand for teachers after the Third Impact incident and what it had done to Japan but even by today’s standards he had entered via highly unorthodox means. He did feel some slight guilt at the accelerated process granted to him by his status.

At the same time he was really enjoying it. He did of course feel nervous before each class he had taken and questioned whether or not he had done well or whether he deserved to be there or not but that was probably natural for anyone to feel that. Maybe in time he stop questioning himself so much, or maybe not. Maybe that was just a fundamental part of what made him Shinji and that was fine.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and gave another glance out of the window at the bright and sunny skyline of the city. Things had definitely changed for him since he had returned from Germany. He was now in regular contact with Asuka, they were trading e-mails on a regular basis and phone calls. He had not told her he loved her since the time in the airport and she had not said anything to him.

He wondered just what her feelings for him were and whether or not she did love him back or wanted to pursue a relationship with him. It was not something they had discussed, Shinji would have preferred to have done it in person.

Alongside this he was also seeing his friends a lot more often. He regularly went out with Touji and Kensuke. He also had this job. That trip had finally allowed him to start a new chapter of his life. His only wish was that Asuka could be there alongside him for it, but he knew there was still a lot for either of them to sort out.

Shinji started to turn around but was startled by a sudden clattering and a scream from outside in the hallway. He dashed over to the corridor and saw one of the school students picking themselves up off of the floor and dusting themselves off. As his eyes turned towards the person they had collided with he felt them widen,

_‘It… It can’t be…’_

He took in the image of the person wearing smart black trousers and a red shirt, his eyes then wandered to their artificial arm and the materials that made it up. His eyes then trailed upwards to their face. It was her, the eye patch was there, the warm smile and the beautiful red hair.

_‘…Asuka?’_

The student finished brushing themselves off before turning around to Asuka and starting to apologize frantically, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry… I was… and I didn’t see where I was going… Are you alright?”

Asuka laughed, "Its fine, I'm alright. Why are you in such a hurry anyway?"

Shinji was actually surprised at Asuka simply laughing it off, he had expected her to yell. He kept quiet watching their interaction for the moment. The boy sighed, "I'm looking for my little sister. My parents brought her when they were picking me up and she ran off. I'm really sorry about this."

"Don’t worry about it, what's your sister called and what does she look like? I'll look out for her."

"Really? T-That'd be great, she's called Rei, she's about five and has short blue hair."

Asuka looked up and her gaze finally met with Shinji. She gave him a knowing nod and smile before turning her attention back to the student. Shinji felt a familiar floating sensation in his stomach as she acknowledged his presence.

He resisted the urge to run over and hug her, he still had to remain professional here. Instead he continued to watch the exchange. He also felt a strange feeling of confusion at the description of the girl from the boy. A small blue haired girl called Rei, he wondered if maybe Asuka had the same feelings as he was. It was highly unusual.

"Right... Rei... and what are you called?"

"I'm Kaworu." Said the boy."

"Rei... and Kaworu... okay..." Asuka glanced up at Shinji once more with the two of them sharing a confused glance. Asuka of course didn't really know the story behind Kaworu but she knew enough to understand the significance. Shinji just stood frozen at the whole thing.

Shinji was about to step in himself when just at that moment the small child wandered around the corner into the hallway."

"Big brother!" She exclaimed loudly, her voice echoing down the hallway.

She ran straight forward into the boys waiting arms, he scooped her up effortlessly as she hugged him.

"Rei! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

If the girl was in anyway upset about getting lost she certainly didn't look it, instead her head was looking around the corridor moving from Asuka to Shinji. Kaworu turned back to Asuka himself and also shot a glance at Shinji.

"Sorry about this, she has a habit of wandering off."

"She seems very lively."

Asuka reached forward and ruffled the small girl’s hair. Shinji looked on and smiled as the girl pointed upwards at Asuka's prosthetic arm and loudly asked, "What happened to your arm?"

"Rei!" Kaworu brought his hand over the girl’s mouth and hung his head down. His cheeks were glowing red with embarrassment.

"Don't worry I get that a lot. I lost my arm in an accident, but it's all fine now."

"What accident?"

"It was in Tokyo-3."

This time it was Kaworu's turn to exclaim loudly, "You were in Tokyo-3?"

Asuka nodded, "Yup."

"W-Was it scary? We heard about the Angels and the Eva's and stuff."

Asuka smiled slyly and Shinji felt himself sink against the doorframe, "Not really, sure the Angels were big and everything but we knew how good the Eva pilots were so there was nothing to worry about. Especially that red Eva."

Shinji stifled a laugh at the response and watched as the two children said their goodbyes and finally left. Asuka waited until they had rounded the corridor before turning and pointing at Shinji. He gulped as her expression turned serious, "You. Classroom. Now!"

Shinji had no time to react before she had shoved him unceremoniously into the empty classroom. She shut the door behind the two of them and immediately grabbed him by both shoulders and pinned him up against the nearest wall.

"Asuka wha-"

"Shup up idiot."

Shinji tried to reply but he was instantly cut off by Asuka's lips being pressed up firmly against his and the feel of her hands gripping the sides of his waist tightly. He didn't struggle, instead he kissed her back and allowed his hands to run themselves down the back of her body. First through her soft red hair, then downwards along her back before coming to stop on her hips.

Their lips finally parted and he stumbled forward as she pulled away, "Asuka you..."

"Surprise!" She exclaimed with a grin.

"Y-You... but how?"

"Turns out you aren't the only one who can plan things behind other peoples backs. After you left Germany I was contacted by Misato. Seems that after one of her speeches she had a very interesting meeting with my father..."

"Y-Your father?"

"Yup. My idiot father apparently came to her admitting what he had done and expressing his regret for it all. He had a proposition for Misato, depending of course on whether or not our reunion in Germany went well and whether or not I wanted to."

"A proposition for Misato?"

She nodded and frowned, "Are you just going to repeat bits of what I say? God you're annoying, I know I surprised you with this and I know the kiss took a lot out of you but try to focus Shinji. Yes a proposition, to come and live with you guys here in Japan again. I mean it's not like I had anything tying me to Germany except for my parents, my games stuff is just me so moving that wouldn't be an issue either."

"S-So you're moving to Japan? To live with us again? Asuka that... that's fantastic!"

"I know! Anyway, Misato helped me to set up this little surprise. We booked the flights in secret and she told me where you worked and here I am to surprise you. Amazing no?"

Shinji nodded, "Yes, it really is but Asuka... if you're living with me and Misato where are you... our apartment only has two bedrooms."

"Well I guess you're going to have to make room for me then, is there not a small cupboard we can relocate you to like last time? Maybe Misato has a comfortable sofa for you?"

Shinji felt himself frown, the elation he had felt moments ago had been slightly dulled, "B-But that's... my room..."

Asuka let out a laugh and prodded him on the forehead, "Do you really think I'd force you to give up your room? I'll be having the couch for a time, at least until Misato gets a bigger place or... we could always share?"

She winked at him and he felt himself glow red, "S-Share... y-you mean... but we... and I... It's a single bed?"

"Oh really?" She closed the distance on him, "I don't see the problem... you still like me right?"

He nodded, "And... I guess I kinda like you... so what's the issue?"

"I... Well..." Shinji scrambled for an answer. In truth there was absolutely no issue, the idea of sharing a bed with Asuka sounded ideal but he found himself flustered and wondering if maybe she was teasing him or being serious. Finally he muttered, "There's... no issue."

Finally she backed away, "That's what I thought. Anyway come on, I'm taking us out for dinner or at least Misato is. I kinda convinced her that she still owes us a steak dinner from that stupid Angel stunt years ago. Can you believe that?”

Much to Asuka’s surprise Shinji nodded his head, “Yeah… Misato can be forgetful. Didn’t you get her to take us to a ramen cart instead?”

“Yup. I knew Misato couldn’t really afford a proper steak dinner and I didn’t want Wondergirl to be left out, she had worked hard as well so it wouldn’t have been fair. So I found a good ramen cart for us.”

“That was really kind of you.”

“I guess I had my moments back then. I wasn’t the complete bitch you probably remember me as.”

Shinji stepped forward, “I never thought of you like that Asuka, everything that happened I always thought…”

“It was your fault and you deserved it? Doesn’t exactly make me feel any better, I know what I was. I know what I still am now but we’ll forget it for now. We can analyze each other later… in private.”

Shinji blushed as she shot him another smile, “We have celebrating to do, my being here, you being a teacher and my new job!”

"Your new job?"

"Didn't I say? I'm going to be helping Misato and WILLE with the recovery attempts in Tokyo-3. Misato was desperate for help and needed an expert. Ritsuko obviously isn’t going to help and it just turned out that there was one expert in Germany on all of that."

"Helping WILLE? You mean with the Magi and stuff? I didn’t know you knew about that sort of stuff."

“Of course I do!” Asuka’s expression turned more serious for a moment, “A lot of the systems in NERV well… my mother worked on some of it. A while ago I found her notes and well… I think with them I’ll be able to help.”

“I didn’t know…”

“I never said. After you visited me I started to think about what I had been doing and I thought about her. I realized I don’t really know a lot about my mother. All I can remember is what she ended up being like before she died and… that she was there in the Eva with me.”

Shinji put a comforting arm around Asuka’s shoulder as she continued, “So I thought maybe I should start trying to learn. If I can recover the systems I can find out more about her. All the records we had were destroyed and my father just says she was a wonderful woman but doesn’t say anything else. So this might… allow me to remember her properly, as a brilliant woman rather than what she became.”

Shinji nodded solemnly, "Y-Yeah... You never... told me what happened to her..."

Asuka shook her head, "And I probably won't... not for a while. Anyway shall we go to dinner?"

He nodded, "Y-yeah! That sounds good."

Asuka extended a hand towards him and he took it. Before leaving they kissed one more time and smiled at one another. Hand in hand they walked together out of the school and towards their new beginning.


End file.
